Dehydrated

Don't dance when it's over 80. Amazed I didn't wake up sneezing this morning. I was dripping it was so hot. Spent half the evening in the bar (alchohol and A/C so that gave me the shivers...)! Think I overdid it. As well as the drippiness I lost all feeling in my left hand for a while....I've got a trapped nerve somewhere. Should get it sorted. It's usually OK, apart from a couple of yoga stretches where I go tingly....not usually quite so dramatic. Plus my back's a bit sore and I can feel the sciatica playing up again. :-( Have a feeling that half the problem is because I was wearing my dance sneakers. They're really comfortable but they're too flat which means there's too much pressure in the wrong part of my back. For ballroom I have a lovely pair of 3" shoes that look incredibly hard to dance in but they are perfect posture-wise. Maybe next time I'll try WCS in those......but first I NEED liquid.

Oh yeah and Rob woke me up about 5am this morning cos HE couldn't sleep. Told him to do something to wear himself out. He was. Thanks for sharing that with me!!!!! I must have dozed off when I got in so crawled into bed and then I couldn't sleep....sssss.....

About time too!!!!!!

Mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I LOVE dancing. There's something so satisfying about showing off to a room full of people! LOL I decided I don't want to compete any more...not in my nature...but performing, totally different....get a real buzz out of that! Had two FANTASTIC dances with Chris this evening. A Cha Cha that some guy told me looked "very hot" and a Hustle that made Sharon jealous. Had to have a little strop to get the Hustle (ooops). Well I asked him for one and then he came to dance Cha with me and I said only if it's as well as a Hustle and he said maybe. Then he had to dance with someone else so I got all upset....so he put one on just for me....cos, as I told him, I'm special!!!! But I did say thank you afterwards....and maybe there was just a little twinge of guilt (which I try not to do, too messy and a total waste of energy).

Afterwards we had the usual discussion about there's so few good male dancers (I will only Hustle with three people cos everyone else pulls me around too much and I dont want to lose an arm or hurt my back...or, more typically, get my head bashed!). There were too many women there tonight (loads of people didn't show up). Chris was doing his "have to dance with everyone at least one" bit, which he has to but it's tough when they have loads of beginners. I don't mind dancing with them but repeating the same step for 2 minutes does drive me mad.....and, being in the "irritable as hell" mood (see last post), I wanted some attention. So, for once, I stropped and got wot I wanted. Mmmm mmmmmmmmm! Cute one was there as well...danced lots with him. He's been practising his Cha...very impressed....though I tried to confuse him by talking to him when I could see he was trying to count...heee heeee. Mean? Perhaps. Fun? Oh definitely!

What else? Hmmm....two people told me I was looking good and must have lost weight. Actually think it's the opposite. No, not true. I've got stuck. Although I think some of it's firming up so maybe it's the "muscle weighs more than fat" thing. Or it could just be this top. Quite fitted so you can see I have a waist...and it makes my boobs look big! LOL Yeah, maybe I wore it intentionally....... *wink*...although I did wear it when BK took me to lunch and he seemed oblivious....although I do remember he's a butt man......and I was sitting on that so...I should stop now, shouldn't I!???!

R and C were there. Came in late and crept out early. Didn't say a thing to me. Fine. Don't care. Chris asked us if they made us nervous. That's not the word I would have used. What is? Errr...probably best if I don't tell you!!!!

Oh and I told Chris about jinxing me. He told me I should just go for it but it's too late for that. Just got to move on and see what else comes along....which seems to be quite a lot if my inbox is anything to go by. The heat rises and the hormones are racing......

And on a totally different note...I love Amazon. I have two printers (long story, boring) and one of them I don't use. So I just put it up on their Marketplace (you know...search for a new one and they tell you there are used versions available). Posted it a while back and didn't really expect it to do anything. This evening, just as I was getting ready to go out (wrapped in bath towel with wet hair!) I get an email saying it's sold. Wooo hooooo. So there I am, sitting on the floor half-naked, still wet, gathering the manual and the CD and the printer getting ready to mail it out. I know it could have waited til morning but I was so excited....plus I now have some room on my desk for all the crap I seem to be accumulating!!!!!!

All in all....a very good end to what had promised to be an incredibly painful day.

Good night :-)

Random Thoughts

Spoke to Snake last night. Says he'll be over to see me soon...got the next couple of weeks off.....still not convinced he'll make it but at least he's now being consistent about the things he says......hmmmmm......it would be nice.....

Have you noticed how many men in Buffalo have kids really young...and then get divorced......? In the last few weeks I've come across 4 30-somethings each with 2 (or more) children, which they must have had when they were in the early/mid 20's.....each one is divorced.....surely that should tell you something? Well, does it?????

Bite count: 6. Two on my back, one on my leg, one on the knuckle of the right index finger and two really, really itchy ones on my left index finger. Scratch, scratch, scratch!

Side note. Irritable as hell this morning....even after yoga. Why? Unsure. Just screamed at two people as I was driving to and from Walgreens. Idiots that can't drive. Very tense. Not good. And the temperature's dropped so I should be really perky. Hmmm...maybe I need to go and breathe some more?????
_______________________________________________________________________________

You're Lust

You're so sexually charged you're about to blow a fuse. Your life is a catalogue of cheap thrills and your underwear drawer like a branch of Ann Summers. Stop eyeing up every passing bloke and try spending the odd night alone.

Who? Meeeee?

Drip, drip, drip

OK, the winter sucked. But this is WORSE!!!! I am so hot. It's 10am and already humidity is at 56% and temp is at 80 (according to some source that probably has it wrong). I am melting. The apartment's not too bad, it doesn't get the afternoon sun (which confused Kristen when I said I'd take this one and NOT the one facing the sun.....makes sense now, doesn't it?!) but I just went out to run a few errands (and dry my hair!) and I've come back with a pounding headache. Yesterday didn't go out til after 5pm, by which time it had cooled to 79 (I checked!).....quite nice then except I got bitten by nasty flying things. Meant to get some anti-bug spray today but totally forgot...have to wait til later. And today's the day the gardeners turn up...which means they mow and cut and generally make too much noise for hours. Can't even lie on the floor and meditate cos of the noise....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggggggh.

Just noticed that Tim Henman's playing at Wimbledon...the last British hope (ha ha ha)....maybe I'll watch that for a bit....

Oh, don't believe it, now there's some truck hooting outside....go away....just want to be quiet and cool..........Heat makes me fractious...can you tell???? Tomorrow should be fun...dancing...although I think they've got their A/C fixed. And just found out there's dance on Saturday (which I think I knew about but sort of forgot)...and there's NO A/C there......drip, drip, drip.....

Strangely Happy

Why? Absolutely no idea. Been quite calm and chirpy (if you can be both) for the last couple of days. Could it be the weather? Maybe, too damn hot for me. Slept a lot. Probably means I'm not drinking enough although I feel if I took in any more liquid, I'd probably drown myself!!!!! So....absolutely no news about anything. Oh no, that's not true. Saw L'Auberge Espagnol (Euro Pudding). Very cute. Some very entertaining effects (no, not the fancy car chases, just some stuff that was very amusing). Got a few other very funny bits in there. Overall...nice. :-) And finished my book "The Map of Love" by Ahdaf Soueif. Love story (no, not like that...I am so NOT a Mills and Boon type of person) set in Egypt. Actually two stories intertwined. One of them was set in the 1990's and it was weird reading it. All of sudden they start talking about the bombing in 1997, I think it was. That was just before I went to Egypt (Cairo to see the Pyramids, cruised down the Nile, Luxor, Abu Simbel, Aswan...all totally amazing!) so reading about it from the Egyptian perspective was fascinating. The other story was set earlier and dealt with the conflict between the British ruling the country and the natives trying to get rid of them. Anyway, loved the whole book, didn't want it to end. But it did. :-(

Monday Again!

Given the last few Mondays I was quite tempted to skip the interview I had scheduled for today...with a distributor about 5 minutes down the road. But I thought I'd be a good girl and go...if only cos it gave me a reason to get dressed!!! LOL. Although putting a suit on when it's close to 80 outside really sucks!!!!! Actually glad I went. Much better than I thought it would be...mainly cos the job was advertised as something that I thought was going to be too technical whereas really it's to do with the programme side of things and not the product side. Does that make sense? No, well tough cos I'm not putting the name of the employer in here or the job description so you'll have to live with it. So, not a total waste of time. Not sure it will result in anything as apparently some of the people already on the team have already applied...but who knows.....and at least my suit got an airing....although it so needs some alterations...good job he couldn't see the safety pins holding the skirt up....heeee heeee

As for reading the Harry Potter book....well, it's too damn heavy to carry around so I'm back on one of the Booker Prize finalists' books that I started ages ago and couldn't get into....decided it's actually very good. Totally can't remember the name...it's in the car and I'm not going down just to find out what it's called. Have to wait til later.

Other than that...same ol' stuff really... ;-) Just getting ready to melt as the temperature soars...

Changed My Mind!

Wasn't gonna post but got all excited. Rummaging through the ol' CD collection and I found a few duplicate Queen CDs. Was, well still am really, a huge fan, saw them loads of times at Wembley and bought loads of albums (some of which the bastard ran off with...sss). Found two copies of Sheer Heart Attack so thought I'd get rid of one of them. Well, I'm searching through all the Internet sites to find the damn album to work out what I could get for it..and guess wot...I have the original 1974 version and NOONE stocks that...there was a 1991 version (extra track) and that's all that seems to be about. So, wot a clever girl am I, not one but TWO copies of a rare CD....mmmmmm. :-) Oh yeah and I found a copy of Ocean Colour Scene B-Sides, etc. Seems to also be worth quite a bit and I don't think I've ever listened to it. No idea where that came from. LOL. So not a bad day's work considering these were just meant to be my everyday crummy CDs and not the ones I KNOW are worth something......might have to look through them a little more carefully.....

Look!!! No entry....and there won't be for a while.....too busy reading Harry Potter..... :-)

No Packrats Here!

Well, inspired by the Greybird clearout, I took a look through my closets to see what I could find. Amazingly enough there were a few items that no longer fit...including two pairs of jeans that I've never actually worn. Think I bought them just before I left Manhattan for the snow of Buffalo. And then I stopped eating junk food - mainly due to the fact that Buffalo has decent supermarkets that sell fresh food (no flies included!) and I started cooking again. So too big, too big. Yayyyyy! Plus a couple of evening dresses that are also too big for me now...one of them's really nice but it needs so much work to take it in that's it's not really worth it. Last time I bought such a dress (for dancing, why else?), it actually cost me more to have it taken in and up than the dress had cost me in the first place. So add that to a couple of other things that I found and Ebay, here I come!!! LOL Unfortunately, not being a hoarder of stuff, I don't think I'll make my fortune from this....more pin money really...oh well, every little helps. :-)

Other than that...bored out of my mind. Did think I could go and lie in the park all day with a good book but look, it's raining. Typical!

I ache all over

Three hours of yoga yesterday. In the heat. Can feel every muscle of my body today...except my brain! LOL

But, interesting e-mail received today...about losting H1-B jobs and the options. I've been looking into if I could set up my own business and, as far as I could see, under the H1-B rules it's a bit iffy, to say the least. However, it appears that under the E visa I can do that...and that visa has no duration associated with it. Mmmmm. V interesting. Guess I need to dig a little deeper to find out exactly how much I would need to "invest" to do that. Apparently assets (computers, etc) can be transferred to the company.....very interesting indeed.....watch this space...!!!!

Update on last night

Very nice day. Sunshine and food. Mmmmmm. Came home and must have just crashed on the sofa cos I woke at 12.30 to the sound of my IM beeping (although I see that I'd missed a couple of people!). Oh who's this. Well guess what. It was some guy that I met I don't know how long ago...pretty sure it was before the "Canadian who broke my heart" incident and I met him in November....So anyway, I really can't remember this guy's name. He was ok...had the most incredibly "make you melt" smile. I'm sure he could get away with anything with a smile like that. He starts talking as if nothing had happened...and I'm like it's been how many months, you lied to me about keeping in touch, why the hell should I talk to you.....oh I don't want to TALK. No, I realise that, why else would u beep me at this sort of time...well, here's a clue.....disappear, I should go to bed...alone (sob LOL). Don't ever darken my doors again. JERK!!!!! I wasn't even trying to get myself into trouble this time and I end up in the middle of another mini-saga....why me??????

Could rant and rave on this for hours...but I won't cos I've just taken the car to get it's oil changed. Check engine light mystery revealed....the O2 sensor was playing up apparently. They changed it for free...damn good job too cos it came on the day after they changed the oil last time and they should have spotted it then!!!!! Like it there, loads of cute guys to watch although I'm noticing that the really cute ones are TOO DAMN SHORT!!!!! What is it with Buffalo....they must put something in the water to stunt men's growth. LOL.

So that's it. Just waiting for the chiropractor to make up his mind....tick tock......LOL

Mmmm...just got a copy of Echoes (Pink Floyd)...fantastic!!!!

Loopy

"The sight of an ex might throw you for a loop. As much as you'd like to be untouchable, the fact is, you can be a bit sentimental at times. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Too late....already did...the loop part that is. In fact, two (exs that is) in one day. Why can't they just have the decency to leave me alone if they leave? I was doing OK. This week wasn't too bad. Had a good Thursday/Friday anyway....although now I realise Chris jinxed me as I was leaving. Asked me if I seen a certain someone, told me how he'd liked that person, got good vibes, thought it had been a positive relationship. At the time it was. Then, out of the blue yesterday, there he is....except the vibes aren't even close to good now. As for the other one, what's he playing at?

Buddhists believe Heaven and Hell are life conditions that we create through our own actions, whether we experience them in this life or a later one. Guess I had this all coming to me then? Not told Rob yet but I know what he's gonna say and he'd be right.

Think I might just go back to bed and hide from the world...although I'm meant to be meeting Greybird. Wish it was raining!

______________________

Update.....I guess it's now tomorrow but...make that 3 ex's. Totally serious. What's the matter with you lot? A bit of sunshine and your hormones start raging......

Red, White and Blue

I was speaking to Sharon and all of sudden remembered I have a pair of Converse with the stars and stripes on!! Wooohooo. Best shoes there. LOL And the blue undies comment did freak our Chris. So sweet. Got all embarassed and ran away. Anyway, interesting evening. Renee was there for the first time in ages. Had a feeling she would be. Of course Colleen was in tow. She didn't even acknowledge us this evening. Shouldn't really moan, she used to attach herself to us and talk and talk and talk and.....zzzzzz...always about herself, such a prima donna...very zzzzzzzzz. Was funny watching them behave....off in a little corner trying to create their own clique, Renee up to her usual tricks of stealing people's partners. In fact, I had to join in at one point. Wanted to Hustle. Have to Hustle. Love to Hustle. There are only about 3 people I'll dance it with though...get sick of men trying to rip my arms out of my sockets or whack me in the head. So, Hustle came on and I ran to get Chris...success. Think that annoyed her. Serve her right...two can play stupid games. And then, she had to ask Chris for Tango to be the last dance...don't like Tango (although I did do my once a year version with the cute one and it was ok, he messed up more than me!)....long Michal story attached to that dance.....so got Sharon to cheer with me for a Rhumba. We won. Victory is so sweet!

Mission Completed

Well, sort of. So I didn't get a Union Jack t-shirt but I did get a Stars and Stripe t. Thanks to Greybird who gave me the idea of where to look. The shirt's red. The jeans are white and I'm sure I can find some blue stuff for my hair...or maybe some "blue" undies cos that always freaks Chris out....hmmm, yeah...I've got some blue "blue" undies.....Put all of that together with the 3" FM shoes and well, I'm gonna look quite a sight!!!! LOL

And now the Snake tells me he's coming to Buffalo......hmmm, heard that one before.....we shall see......

Today's Mission

Apart from getting my fingers to work so I can type (!), I have to find something red, white and blue for the FAst Dance on Friday. Celebrating Flag Day so I reckon a Union Jack should be appropriate. LOL They didn't say WHICH flag we're celebrating so....... :-) Must be somewhere in Buffalo that sells things like that? I have a little flag but I really want a t-shirt....hmmm....now where will I find one of those at such short notice.....?????




And other interesting facts: Girls who sleep with married men are more likely to forget their friends' birthdays. Sorry about that!!! LOL

It's Official

I'm a genius. According to the FOX IQ test. IQ 138 and I wanna complain cos two of their questions were wrong!! They misquoted one of the proverbs and that "Mirror" section was a misnomer. It's not a mirror..it's a rotation. There's a distinct difference. I studied Maths (yeah, we put an s on it over the pond) for a long time. I know my rotations from my reflections. LOL

I sent an email last night to someone who's been blanking me for the last few days. Not sure why...the blanking part, that is. I thought it was cute. Guess he might not have seen it yet (?) but no reply received. That sucks. Totally. Pretty sure that should have triggered a reaction of some sort???

Mondays Suck!

Last week, total waste of time. This week, the same. Went for an interview. She kept me waiting for what felt like an eternity but was probably about 15/20 minutes. Then tells me that they've never been able to sponsor people because they don't like the "return fare" clause. Well maybe if you'd spent a few minutes on the phone with me the other day when I was trying to get more information out of you, you could have saved both our time?!

Oh. And she asked me if I was married. Errr....firstly, I don't think it's any of your business and secondly, I believe that's a question you're not allowed to ask in an interview.......

Did think about going to the Victoria's Secrets sale. But cruised their web site and have found NOTHING to fit my top half. Damn you!

So bored, so bored, so bored, so.......bet I do something stupid....just watch me, go on...dare ya!!!!

Today's Astral Prediction

Never align yourself with someone who shows signs of being emotionally or physically abusive. Ha fucking ha! I guess it goes away eventually but how long is eventually? What was that Arnie movie where they wiped his memory? That's what I want. Start again....

And Robin...where the hell are you?????????

Most annoying web-page.....oh yeah!!!!

Pooped....too much sun....shouldn't complain really...the freckles are coming along nicely :-)

Ouch!

Continuing the attempt to practise some yoga every morning, I did an hour today. And got stuck! Don't laugh. Must have slept badly, my back was so damn tight it was all I could do to get to the floor. Thought I'd loosen it up a bit but tried to roll onto my side and.....owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. How foolish did I feel? Hot shower seems to have sorted it out a bit but what I really need is a pair of willing hands and a good massage...oh well, dream on!

Snowflake
(Ali K Cari)

I'll try and make it another day,
With this pain that won't go away.
I've died in silence for so many years,
I've cried an ocean or two of tears.
Please forgive me for what i may or may not do,
But you wouldnt believe what i've been through.
I grow tired and so weak,
My body shakes, my voice is meek.
Maybe in the end i'll be alright,
And maybe no longer shall i fight.
You can only lie for so long,
Before you're singing the same song.
I can only say sorry so many times,
I can only think of so many rhymes.
And so i'm sorry for any pain,
I know things weren't a peice of cake.
And so i'll go,
Just like the first and last
Snowflake...


Can someone tell me what happens when the music stops? I guess you'd probably have to be inside my head to understand that question...ok here goes. I had another one of my dreams last night. More vivid than usual but shorter. Usually I they seem to go on for hours. Not this one. Just one small snippet. He, for indeed it was a he, said he loved me. Don't say that unless you mean it. I do mean it. Totally freaked me. Probably the last thing I ever expected to hear from this person.

Eyes are so important aren't they. They say everything and more.

The music's stopped. What now?

I scored 62½% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

Is that really the time?

There's no way it can be nearly midday already. All I've done today is get up (8am so not even that late), do my yoga (yeah....i'm so good!!!!), get dressed and run round to Wegmans....of course forgetting to buy the one thing I meant to! However, I did come back to a message from someone who wants to interview me. Cooooool. This is my new approach to job-hunting....go shopping...always seems to happen that someone calls me when I'm out.

Oh...and Sharon called to remind me bout tomorrow night....USABDA. It's that time again. Need an excuse as to why I can't go. Can't use the painting my toe nails excuse cos I did that yesterday. Washing my hair? Hmmm...maybe. Damn, damn, damn. They're teaching Triple Step (Swing) which I've sort of gone off. Still hurts my back too much....too bouncy! I moan about this every month but I'm trying to remember the last time I actually went there...always seem to have some sort of excuse..heee heee. Well, maybe I'll see what the weather's like. If it's too hot (no chance of that), I'm not going cos there's no A/C. If it snows (more likely!), I'm not going. If it rains...well my hair might get wet. LOL Maybe I should call Robin and see if she's going? At least that way we can bitch for a couple of hours about people......

Dock at the Bay has started its program of live bands every night again. Too cold and wet still. Seems to be the same bands as last year...although maybe in a different order!!!!!

Today's music...checking out Avril Lavigne and O-Town....don't ask why (although O-Town did have some cool songs on the last album)!!!!! "I Only Dance With You" O-T....excellent WC Swing.....great beat.....nice.....

Oh, look! Education budgets got approved. Good! That should make GZ happy (Education BDM for NYS). We thought the budgets were gonna get totally slashed...which would have meant no money to spend on IT. So, although a lot later in the year than usual, it could mean that the Education sales go OK. Not that it matters to me any more cos I lost my job......boooohoooooo. And, even better, read this. My coverage ended last week and I've not done anything about getting any new coverage. Given my back problems I think it would probably be a good idea to look into it!!!!! Guess that gives me something to do this afternoon!

Too freaky by half!!!!

I Can't Believe This

According to the MSNBC calorie calculator, you burn off more calories in an hour of Yoga than you do in a hour of vigorous sex. But dancing burns off the most. So does that tell me something? Yeah....they can't be doing it right!!!!

Too wiped out from calorie burning to write any more. Maybe later. Parting thought....truly lovely....mmm mmmmmmmmmm! :-)

Oh, before I go, this really is the final thought....Rob....instant gratification works as long as it's approached the right way! That's the problem, not the activity itself, it's my expectation. So nerrrrrrrrrrrr *blowing a raspberry at ya*....

And now I'm gonna dig out some Pink Floyd and chill a little.....

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

But I Can Believe This

Back again...bathed and beautiful...well, if u can call sitting here with a towel round my head beautiful. Was meant to have an interview today but they cried off. Not due to any emergency (my Navy friend..the one with the "buy a new set of balls" comment....was outraged..."wot is the place flooded or something!")...but because one of the people that has to read my resume hasn't read it. This was yesterday afternoon with the i/v for this afternoon. So let me get this right. It's gonna take you longer than a day to read a 2-page document? WOW. You clearly need some help over there!!!!! Probably a good thing anyway, the brain is totally unfocused right now. Can't even remember what the job is...something about product marketing for Cisco products. And it was VERY close by. But never mind, some guy just emailed me...strange....."I'm moving to Buffalo in a couple of weeks and I own a marketing company". Hmmmm, nice for him. Anyway said he's gonna IM me so why not....might be something good. Still waiting to hear on cow country jobs....they wanted me to change my resume from the functional format to a different layout...so I did.....aren't I good?

Other than that. Just had to check house prices in London today. The front page of msn.co.uk said they've gone up about 23% (average) and I couldn't resist sneaking a peek. Boy am I a happy bunny...there are two properties for sale where my place is....both going for GBP193k. On that basis, I've got about GBP93k equity at the moment (possibly more cos I can't remember how much is outstanding at the bank)....which is about $140k...ish. I really need to do something about remortgaging that damn place......oh yeah and making the payment that I missed....ooooops. Sometimes I think this is too stressful...maybe I should let them reposess the thing and then I could just take the cash....no, thinking seriously for a moment...that would be BAD! So there u go...on paper, I'm rich, I'm rich! LOL Shame the bank balance doesn't look quite so healthy.

Oh, oh and I just have to say this. Keen Eddie. Dire. Awful. Corny. Caught half of it yesterday when I got back from yoga. OK, he's quite cute....in a peverse sort of way. But....and this was SO exciting for me....who was in it but Alexei Sayle . Last night I said he was a cockney. Stupid girl. He's a Liverpudlian. Very unattractive but so funny. When I was younger he released The Fish People Tapes (1984 - I looked it up). It was so funny. Ever so often he pops up in little cameo roles (including Tipping the Velvet...greybird, he played Charles Frobisher). He has this dry humour that I love and, well, anyway I think he's excellent. So I was happy. :-)

And now....I think some lunch is in order....or maybe I'll wait until the mail arrives and see if my fairy godmother sent me any money. I had a nice suprise cheque arrive yesterday....would be too much to expect another one this week....but, and I'm probably about to jinx myself, stuff seems strangely to be going my way at the moment...

Dr Rob....

....tells me that I'm a manic depressive with a low self-esteem issue who is prone to bouts of self-destructive behavior that I think will satisfy my need for instant gratification but actually lead to a vicious circle once I realise that the gratification wasn't actually there...thus causing me to beat up on myself, making me more depressed and in need of greater gratification. This, apparently, is the reason that I do so many stupid things (subsitute men in there). Problem is (as if that wasn't enough), I can't find any rational argument to prove him wrong....which has upset me somewhat...and is now sending me into the downward spiral.

Weren't expecting that, were you!

Robin tells me I shouldn't read my horoscope but look what it says to say: You may feel isolated on Monday and Tuesday, and your attempts to connect with people may fall flat. An honest, heartfelt approach may prove more successful than an intellectual one. Now don't tell me it doesn't know what's going on!!!!

Tired

Written to the tunes of Fred Astaire Dance Selections Volume 2 (for those that care!). Actually there's a couple of great rumbas on here....

What a total waste of time. Had to get up early this morning to go to the DOL for an orientation. Scheduled for 90 minutes they said. We got there and the woman, who was actually very nice, told us we'd only be there for about 30. Then she collected our forms and played us the most appalling slide show (automated voiceover, fuzzy slides, boring as hell) and let us go. Fantastic!!!! Not that I don't mind having any extra hour for myself but did I have to get up early...and on a Monday???????? My eyes are killing me....nicotine intake TOO HIGH. Although food intake over the last 24 hours comprised a couple of chocolates and beer (see below)....not exactly what you'd call a balanced diet. Just reread this paragraph. It's gone all over the place hasn't it. Shit. Brain is totally screwed at the moment.....maybe should go back to bed now.

And now for something else. TOP, as mentioned below, told me I should have added "BTW you have a lovely cock" in my blog. Well, now I have. LOL!!!! Hope you're happy sweetie! For reference....yeah it is pretty lovely.... ;-)

Other than that....mooched around yesterday. Too wiped out to do much. Got about 2 hours decent sleep so all I could manage was to crawl to the sofa and watch some tv. Was meant to go for a drink with someone but too tired...except he didn't let me cry off. Persuaded me into going. So I did. Not sure it was worth the effort of getting all made up and driving half-way across town. Had one drink then he ran off cos he wanted to buy a cigar...and the shop was closed. That'll teach ya!!!!!! But I did get to see some jerk at the bar doing a trick with an olive and two glasses. OK, I'm desparate for exciting stuff to put in here....it'll get better.....

Spoke to a woman on Friday about a couple of jobs. Actually sounds quite promising. She specialises in product marketing/management recruitment. Hallelujah. At long last I've found someone that understands what it is I do...and want to do. Am getting quite sick of those idiots that think marketing is outside sales. So anyway, she has a couple of jobs she's looking to fill...both in cards marketing (one of my previous lives). I'd really like to get back into that...banks might be boring but they have great benefits and don't tend to disappear overnight. So we're working on those. Only downside is one of the positions is in the middle of cow country (!)....WI in case you didn't realise. Chris tells me I'll hate it there. Marvellous. But Mike Topel teaches out that way....and if you're gonna learn WC Swing, he's the guy to learn with! Other one is in FL. Also looking to see if there are any going in Cap One. Apparently they are hyper-keen on sponsorship and give the most amazing packages....fingers crossed!

Today's Conundrum

I have this CD in my car. Keep playing it cos it's great dance music although it's a little hard to dance while I'm driving....just have to sing loudly and ignore everyone staring at me. LOL. There's a line in one of the songs that's been going round and round in my head. Why? So hard to tell with me at the moment. Why do I do anything? I only wish someone could tell me. Oh yeah, the line...if you're really interested....I am only here for a little while, would you like to take me out tonight, maybe we could talk for a little while, baby. I'm even singing it as I write but the effect is lost on screen!

That actually bears no relationship to anything but just had to share!!!!

So the little pickle I'm in. Went out last night. Want to write about it but The Other Party reads this so not sure how much I want to say. No, not true. I know how much I want to say but I don't want to write it here. Not because I don't want TOP to know what I think but because I think I should say it first rather than just putting it in here. Maybe I should start another one somewhere else so that I can put all that sort of stuff into it? Naw...too much effort. Hmm....well....guess it's safe to say nice evening, I love fire, thanks for the CD, not sure I was totally myself.....!!! The full unedited version can wait til the thoughts in my head settle a little.....