Tuesday, December 30, 2003


Herniated disc...we knew that.

Disc disintegration on both sides of lumbar spine, which confused the chiro cos he didn't expect to see any on the right side....but then I do so like to be different.

Hardly any sleep Sunday night...ended up on the living room floor...sort of helped...but not a lot.

Absolute minimum of sleep last night. Again on the floor. Managed about 45 minutes then had to take a painkiller. Didn't seem to work so I took another one. Crashed for a few minutes. Heat pad....mmmm. Helped a little. Dozed briefly. More heat pad. Drink. Dozed. Alarm went off. Spent most of the night listening to the sound of snowmelt dripping off the roof followed by the start of the rain. I am exhausted!! The only thing that seems to have any sleep-inducing properties is "The Runaway Bride" (Julia Roberts and Richard Gere). Three times I've started to watch it (it's on TNT at the moment) and three times I've dozed off at the same spot. In fact, last night, I dozed off and when I woke up it was replaying and I was at the same point where I'd fallen asleep on the first showing!!!! If only they could keep playing that all night.....

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Back on the drugs

Woke up yesterday morning in pain. First thing I did was "run" to the kitchen for a glass of water and painkillers. So tired. Not slept for the last few days cos I can't get off to sleep cos of the pain and then I wake up with knives in my ankle. I am so totally sick of this. Chiro tried to help the other day by giving me about three appointments for the price of one. Did it help? Not really! But he did give me a sample of Biofreeze - one of those gels that heats up and numbs the pain. I liked that. Not so keen on the painkillers. Took some Tuesday night and then spent the whole evening throwing up. Not sure if the two were related but I'd guess they probably were. Spent yesterday floating round again. Did I really used to live on these? They screw me up completely. My head's all woozy and my stomach's sore. Uggggggh. And the lack of sleep isn't helping. Means I wanna crash about 7pm and then of course I don't sleep at night. Bags under my eyes look lovely......feeling very sorry for myself. :-(

This is the first day I've been able to sit at the PC this week. The last few days I've sat down and then, about 5 minutes later, felt the stabbing start. Been in agony. For a couple of days it hurt to sit, lie down and stand up....try getting comfortable when nothing stops the pain. Best position was lying on my back with my knees into my chest.....(no jokes please). Even having a bath was a nightmare...thought the heat would help...probably would have done if I'd been able to relax but no joy there!

Oh yeah...almost forgot! Took the MRI photos into the chiro. He didn't want to commit (cos the photos are so small..better to wait til the radiologist has had a good look at the nice color piccies on screen) but he thinks there's more arthritis and some herniated disk issues. That explains the sciatica...thinks something's aggravating it....it might be moving around into new positions hence the sudden changes in nerve behaviour. Very weird cos I've been pretty much OK for a while so why is it starting up again now?????

Thursday, December 25, 2003

White Christmas

Snow....lots. Pretty. Well, sitting inside looking out makes it pretty. Cleaning it off the car was less pretty.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Merry Christmas to MEEEE!!!

Got a call from the Big Bad Bank to say that, as long as they get approval re my visa, they'll be making me an offer....Yayyyyyy!!!!! :-)

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Friday Night

Spent being scanned again. Short-bore machine...apparently. All I know is that my right leg decided it wanted to twitch so every time the technician said "try and keep still", it refused! Why is it that as soon as someone tells me to do something I want to do the opposite?????? Was in there for about 25 minutes. Nicer than the other one in that there seemed to be more light...or maybe I was just nearer the end. Much noiser and more vibration so when he pulled me out I nearly fell over! Got home and was still shaking. Nearly didn't get my films...I was the last patient in and the technician was clearly wanted to leave. Sat there waiting for the film thinking he's left without me when he came running in, coat on, looking very embarassed. I got out to my car and remembered I had these in my hand! Ooooops.

Friday, December 19, 2003


Doesn't take much really. Here's today's dilemma...keep my current car (2001 Impreza RS Coupe) or get a new one?

If I get a new one I get the benefit of a nice new dash (cool design) and a little visor thing about the rear-view mirror to block out the sun when it's low in the sky. I should add, that if I do get a new car, it would be same model as the one I currently have....or, I should say, similar seeing as they don't make an RS Coupe any more...it would have to be the sedan. Reason? Great car, loads of fun to drive, gets top safety ratings and I've loved this one. Downside...they don't make a Coupe any more....would have to get a four-door, which I really don't need or particularly want. Been driving Coupes for a while now and I love them....people that have to clamber in the back aren't too keen but it's not that often and I'm certainly not buying a car for someone else! Repayments would be the same as I'm paying now, give or take a few dollars so not a big deal. There have been very few other changes to the car, certainly the mechanical stuff is all the same...main change is the exterior shape, now a little sleeker in appearance.

But then I also see no reason to get rid of my current car. It has 21,960 miles on it. It runs beautifully. The only work that will need doing is to replace the brake pads (in about 6,000 miles according to the guy that just serviced it for me) and that can be covered by warranty...whether the current one or an extended one, which I would definitely buy. Plus it has the advantage of being a colour they no long make (or is that a disadvantage?). They now have a San Remo Red that is much brighter and more red-like...mine is more of a pinkish red, which is actually pretty nice. But, of course, with a new one I'd have to change the colour just to show it's a new car! LOL. I don't really want black and the blue is too bright and brash, would never buy a green car so that would leave Platinum Silver (very nice but everyone in Buffalo seems to drive silver cars) or white....errr...not too keen on white.....so, hmm, back with Red again? Plus it's a Coupe. The shape isn't fantastic..the new ones definitely look nicer but funnily enough I still get strangers coming up to me to ask about the car.

So is it really worth getting a new one for a few cosmetic changes? Not convinced it is.....gonna ponder some more on this but I'm definitely leaning towards keeping this one.....at the moment......hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....... Well, it's got an inspection on Tuesday so I'll wait and see what they say about it then. If there's a load of work that needs doing, and I really can't see that there will be any, then maybe I'll just get a new one....if there isn't then there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of benefit in replacing it. Watch this space!

Also went for my "independent medical evaluation" today. The offices I went to were horrible. Firstly they have their children there...and proudly display a notice saying how much they like having their children running round the office. How nice for them. Personally, I don't. The office did not look the cleanest of places, which for a medical practice is somewhat disturbing. The room I was in contained an open bookshelf affair where they had stored rolls of paper tissues and other supplies...couldn't you hide those away somewhere? There was a fishtank...suppose that was to keep me amused while I waited for 10 minutes for the doc to finish with his other patient (so much for booking appointments for specific times!). There was also a sink which appeared to contain a dirty plate. I'm sorry but that really is not on. YUK. I had a feeling it might not be too good when I arrived to find the parking lot covered in ice....so is the idea that we slip and fall on the ice so that you can get more business? At the chiro I go to he yells at the people managing the property if they don't put salt down/clear ice because he doesn't want people to fall and hurt themselves!!!!

Location aside, I got a good prodding....in places I didn't know hurt but which now do. He totally couldn't trigger any pain in my left leg although I walked in with sciatic pain and did show him one position that brought it on. His verdict was something along the lines of "I don't see what's causing the sciatica but clearly you have it". Geee thanks. He has to provide a written report to the insurance company and isn't meant to tell me what his findings are (they send me the report) but after having been poked and hit (with a little hammer to test my reflexes...or lack of ) and pricked with a pin-wheel I wasn't having any of that. Did get him to confirm that he would recommend continuation of chiropratic care (with my current chiro) and that an MRI of the lumbar spine (tonight's adventure) might shed more light on things. Doh! Tell me something I don't know please. So, from a medical breakthrough perspective it was a total waste of time. But if it means the insurance company keep paying my bills I don't mind.

There, now you're fully up to speed with all the latest medical news....going to sleep now cos I didn't sleep last night at all. Was up pacing round at about 4am and I'm exhausted....zzzzzz.....

Thursday, December 18, 2003

just noticed my posts arent publishing!!!!! damn blogger

The results are in!!!

Got the result of my neck MRI scan today...and they weren't at all what I was expecting. I do have all seven veterbrae in my cervical spine so that was something. However, and this is where the unhappy face appears :-( it seems that I have three joints showing early signs of arthritis and one showing moderate signs. Shit. I am too young for this. It totally threw me cos I was expecting (hoping) that it would be something silly that could be cured or would go away over time.....or, even better, nothing just whiplash taking it's time to disappear. Unfortunately arthritis is more degenerative so I'm not really sure what happens now. This could be hereditary (likely as my mother has a number of eroded discs) or environmental (chemicals.....can't think of any unless it's this silly Buffalo environment screwing me up) or something else. Probably what upset me most was the thought that this could well be what they find in my lumbar spine where it really hurts....I'm trying not to think about it and am going for an MRI down there tomorrow evening....but if he tells me it's there as well I now won't be surprised......

Oh and I have three minor bulges in my discs (probably caused from studying/working/looking down too much) plus one disc where the hole through which the nerve travelled is shrinking...which explains, perhaps, why my hands go tingly...too much pressure on the nerve.

Doctor's advice: exercise, good diet, Celebrex. The first I do although maybe I ought to do more neck exercises..usually wimp out on those cos there are a couple that make me really want to pass out! Diet....I eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables, as little junk food as I can although sometimes I get a craving, low carbs....absolutely no cake, cookies and few candies (cos they just don't excite me)....so not sure what more I can do there although I did just go to the store to get even more veggies (cos i was upset!). Celebrex....got some from him last time but he said I need to take it for months for it to have any real effect....gee thanks! Looked it up on WebMD as well...and yeah, same advice given there.

Other than that, he'll recommend me to a specialist (of which there are very few in this area).

On the positive side, my blood pressure is again perfect. No herniated discs to be seen. My glands and everything else looked great on the scan so it seems that I am a healthy person but just wearing away internally. Sob :-(

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Return of the King

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! Fantastic, fabulous, spectacular, totally engrossing. Loved it! Totally!!!! Didn't even notice it was 3.5 hours....well, not completely true, think the sciatica kicked in about the three hour mark......was trying not to wriggle too much but couldn't sit there...should have taken a cushion with me :-(

Only bits I didn't like...the end...why did they have to do that. Just cut it with the molten lava flowing...that would have been perfect. Hate it when they decide they have to tie up loose ends...leave it to our imagination, we're don't have to be spoonfed every tiny little detail. And I wasn't too keen on the dead fighting. Reminded me of Spielberg or some bad Halloween movie.....think they could have worked a little bit more on that part!

One of my fave bits, which is probably silly, was when they lit the beacons across the mountain tops. Lots of dramatic music and something about it just got me.....right there....(there, she says pointing!).

So sad the trilogy is over. Now looking forward to the box set of all three (don't tell me they're not doing one) so I can watch the whole thing in the comfort of my home. Please buy it for me for Christmas (next year!) :-)

Tuesday, December 16, 2003


I knew this would happen. Out the blue I get invited down to see a marketing agency run by a couple of guys I used to work with...one of whom is an Aussie and interviewed me for my first position over in the US, and then put in a good word for me with the last one. I've never worked directly with him so I thought it might be pretty cool. Anyway, they made me an offer....money not too good, which I was expecting but they're good people and it would give me the chance to work agency-side...something I've never done. So I sort of accepted....well, got pretty close to it.

Then the Big Bad Bank (BBB) called me. The position I was originally talking to them about was ok...but a bit sort of "been there, done that" so I wasn't overly enthusiastic about it. Anyway, he now has approval to hire someone...for a different job that is SO me that my head's been buzzing like a little bee for the last few hours (since he told me about it). In his words this would be a "substantial position" with "good money". Oh yeah, I can only imagine knowing the little he's told me about it. I was veering in the opposite direction given the way the BBB treated me two years ago but now something is pulling me very strongly back towards them. It would be SO cool...but I have to keep reminding myself it's not a definite yet. He did even say that he'd spoken to an HR Exec and they think the visa would be fine. Anyway, he wants me to go back in tomorrow/Friday to meet with him again and his boss.....which is usually a positive sign.....so..........wouldn't it be nice to have two offers to choose from?

And, the company that I first started talking to in June called me yesterday to set up an interview for tomorrow. Less said about them the better I think!!

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Fred's Christmas Party

No mistletoe..... :-( they forgot :-( But probably didn't matter anyway as cute one wasn't there :-( In Florida. Damn him. So guess the "almost snog" last time was probably the closest I'll get to a real one this year. Boooohoooo. Oh well, guess it gives me something for my "resolutions" for next year....though it sort of messed up my "all I want for Christmas is you" line....just as well....toooooooooo cheeeesy!

Bitch number two was there. Ignored her.

Fooled Chris and danced International Rumba with him. Where did you learn that? Oh, you know...around. Actually, it's pretty simple once you know American Rumba and Mambo...just mix the two together and you...I...can muddle through. Lots of good dancers weren't there tonight...don't know if it was the threat of snow (side note: all yesterday they kept saying "this rain is going to turn to snow overnight"....confused...we didn't have any rain and we sure didn't have snow....) and the cold or just other holiday parties keeping them away. Got a few dances with Chris to make up for last time (for which I did apologise). Does this make sense to anyone? Oh well, who cares, I know what I'm talking about..and that's what counts. :-)

Came home with lots of shrimp and strawberries and veggies. Mmmmmmm.

Oh, "postponed" my EMG thingy. The thought of all those needles was too much plus the radiologist still hasn't sent out my MRI report and there's no way I'm going through hell until I've seen that.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Face the Issue

I've seen a couple of commercials for the Face the Issue site...it's a red, white and black cartoon with a Halle Berry voiceover talking about abusive relationships. The commerical itself is pretty striking and also upsetting....can't bear to watch it. Anyway, been meaning to take a look to see what they say...guess it's "that" time of year again....so I did, this morning. The site isn't realy that useful but they have links to some other sites that tackle the subject in more detail. The one that really caught my attention is an Australian site: when love hurts. It's a really simple site, doesn't look like much but once I started reading it I realised that it contains a lot of useful information. It's eight days to my anniversary and 15 to the ex-s birthday (most people know that as Christmas Day).....thought I might be OK this year but seeing the commercial is bringing back my hibernation mentality. :-(

Monday, December 08, 2003

To the f***ing jerk that phoned me at 2.30am today....that was real funny! I have no idea who you are but don't f***ing bother me again. And, no...you can't come over...ever....you have a hand, I suggest you use it for something other than dialing my number!

Just wish I knew who it was. In my half-asleep stupor I thought he said Jay or Jake (after I asked him three times). Jake says it wasn't him and I don't know any Jays....do I?????

Friday, December 05, 2003


Woke up in the night with the most appalling leg cramps...all down my left leg. Combination of sciatica and cramp to be precise. Plus a very strong desire for a glass of water. Not sure whether it was from the spinach and artichoke dip I had last night, which was too salty for me (and would explain the need for liquid) or the after-effects of standing up for about 4 hours, which upset my back. Either way...it hurt like hell!!!!!!! :-(

Got my last trip to ECC today (the "brush your teeth" study). Will be sad not going there again but nice to that I get paid....wooooohoooo :-)

Two interviews next week...one with a Bank (different from the last one) for a job that I replied to ages ago...so long ago, I can't even remember what the job is! The other is with a marketing agency. Exciting, huh?

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Wot a Day

Alarm goes off at 6.30am....I hit snooze and sleep for another 2 hours....at which point I realise I have 30 minutes to get to the chiropractor who is 20 minutes away. Cleaned teeth, flung on some clothes and get there exactly on time.

He applies heat and then stretches out my back on to make me notice that my right side is in total agony. Have you fallen over again? No!!! Seems like you've bruised a rib or something. How the hell did I do that? Stand up and it really hurts when I lean to the side (don't lean, he says)...so he sits me in a chair reapplies the heat and stim pads....feels much better.

Go to the Post Office. Totally forget that I bought something the other day so I have no funds in the account I try to pay with. Ooops. Try another card...that works. Phew!!!

Get home. It's now past 10am and I'm still not bathed. So showered, washed my hair, ate breakfast and then had an urge to paint my nails...of course one of them screws up. Damn. Redo that one, make a couple of calls. Now about noon and I'm ready for the day. Check email, do some stuff, have to go out. Call someone to see if she'll be around about 2.30 cos I need to drop something in. No answer....ah, maybe she's at work. Didn't think of that!

Go out, traffic on Transit totally screwed. Long line in the Bank. Try to put gas in the car, pump is playing up giving me all sorts of silly messages. So go inside to see if they've charged me or not...and the checkout's messing around as well....but, yes, they did charge me...at least something worked.

Got home to find a message from the person I wanted to see at 2.30. Damn, damn, damn. Well it's 3.30 and I gotta eat lunch. As I do, she calls again to tell me she's gotta go out and won't be back til 4.30...I'm thinking maybe we could try again tomorrow cos my energy level is too low to deal with this now.

At least I did finally manage to remember to fill up the windscreen fluid in the car, although I think I need to treat it to new blades as well....and I did put more memory in my PC, which worked without any explosions or other silly things that I thought would happen given the rest of the day....although I did have to redo another nail after prising the cover off the machine.

It's now 4.30 and I am exhausted and ready for bed!!!!!!