Sunday, March 27, 2005

Boat Race

We won!!


Sunday, March 20, 2005

So this is Spring, huh?

Wet, grey, miserable.....start as you mean to go on...????

Finished the first set of pills. Not sure if they worked or not cos I still feel like my head is fogged up. Hard to explain other than someone seems to have flicked this big On/Off switch the wrong way. As a result, I seem to have totally lost the ability to think rationally....which was kinda interesting when I was arguing with my new boss...although he did send me an email to say how much he enjoyed my sense of humour (he's English so he knows how to spell!).

Still not sleeping. Didn't take pills this weekend....thought I'd see what happens....unfortunately nothing.. :-( I've started this, I actually have no desire to finish it. So I'm just going to stop.


Friday, March 11, 2005

Guess it's been a while

So I've thought a little about updating this over the last couple of months but, as you noticed, I didn't!. Things have been a little messy so I've not really been in the mood.

It all started one cold and snowy Sunday afternoon when I thought I'd do a good thing and get some fresh air. So I headed out to walk round the apartments. Nicely wrapped up. Two or three laps in freezing weather is normally enough of a good thing for me. Especially as, on my way back, in eyes seemed to go a little blurry and I couldn't see too well. Thought that maybe it was a little too cold and I just needed to warm up. That didn't work. It got the extent that I pretty much couldn't see anything out of my right eye and was totally freaked out. Lay on the sofa with my eyes closed for an hour or so and gradually things seemed to be back to normal. PHEW.

Only problem was the following morning, in the shower before work, my left eye decided that it wasn't happy...couldn't focus, nice aura round the outside and lots of tears (I think the tears were the result of me being very scared about what was happening to me).

To cut out the boring bits, I ended up in the ER with a raging "ocular migrane" (as later explained to me), unable to deal with the bright lights, drip in my arm and coat over my head (to keep out the light). They pumped me full of drugs, took a CT scan and a urine sample (during which my sight almost disappeared completely)....and a nice Neurologist came to see me. Told me to go home and rest (once I was able to see again). Took the following day off work (despite my boss phoning me at home about something). Tried to go in the next day only to be overcome by a bout of double vision during which I was...literally...seeing two of everything. I went home and stayed there.

Since then I went for an MRI of my head....I'm guessing they wanted to see if anything was actually inside. I've had people making mention of aneurisms and tumors...really not the sort of things I want to hear in the same sentence as my name. Got the results yesterday. It turns out that there is nothing seriously wrong with was just a migrane. However, and this is where we are stumped, I don't get headaches. I don't get sinus headaches and I've never had migranes before. So, why at this age is it happening?

It appears that the only conclusions we can draw is that this is stress/depression-related. As the neurologist said I was very close to "crashing and burning" when he saw me in the ER and we have to make sure that I don't get there again. So after filling out various questionnaires (which seemed to tell him that I'm in a pretty bad state although I'm not suicidal...currently....) and talking about life, the universe and some other stuff...he has prescribed steroids to try and blow away the headaches that I am now consistently getting every evening (right side of the head, pain across the eye, tearing/blurring); pain pills for when I do get a headache; a little something to help me sleep and a little something to help me not sleep....

So, after a week from work hell with some emotional low points (like getting home and bursting into tears last night, which I'm attributing to the drugs combined with Penguin caffeinated mints which had me flying round the office yesterday....I didn't realise they had caffeine in them til it was too late!) I've been out to get drunk....but only managed 3 points before the new cute guy in the office (with an ex in CA who I don't think really is an ex) had to go home to sleep so he can get up and run 12 miles tomorrow.

And that reminds me, I have another dose of steroids to take today.

To say I'm depressed is an understatement. Working out how to break out of the nightmare pattern that I'm in at the moment is nigh impossible. I have two bosses with no conclusion in sight. More work than I can cope with (and I have a pretty high tolerance for this). Two demotivated staff, one of whom is just counting the months til she goes on maternity leave (from which she will not return) and now, to add to it all, the only cute guy I've found in ages appears to be single but, from the sounds of things is really harbouring feelings for some woman far away which means I'm not going near him til he's sorted that out.

Only good thing is I now have some sleeping pills which seem to work really well. Maybe I can spend the next couple of days blocking out reality?

Oh, and I taught two Spanish classes last weekend!