Wot the hell is wrong with banks? I ask them to do the simplest things and they screw it up. I'm allowed to complain, I worked for one for 10 years but, believe me, they were never this bad.

Story No. 1
I write to my bank and tell them of my new address. They write back and confirm they have changed their records. They quote my new address....err...hang on, that's not what I told them. Look... I filled in a form which contained my details. You didn't even have to key it in anywhere...assuming your database takes the entries I made and just stores it in the right place. So how the f*** do you manage to screw it up?????? I've written back to them...very politely....to tell them they're incompetent. Oh yeah, and it took them three days to process the change request.....should I trust them with my money? I think not....good job I ain't gone none!!!!

Story No. 2
I write very nicely to the bank that took over the bank I used to work for. I need a "reference". Actually, it's not a reference, it's a letter confirming my employment details - when I worked for them, what my salary was and what my jobs were. Not a "wow, she was fantastic" letter. It took me two weeks to find out who to write to because the HR department don't actually deal with this sort of thing (of course not, that would be too obvious). No, there's a separate department that apparently does't have a telephone number. Don't laugh...it's true. The best I could get was a fax...which, of course, I then couldn't use cos it was some stupid "only works from the UK" number. So I got another one. And when I say "I", I mean of course Col...who, poor dear, still works for them...but not for long, he resigned in despair. So the letter eventually got faxed....a while back.

Today, I receive a lovely letter....on headed notepaper, with no telephone number, no name of a person and no signature....just "HRdirect" typed at the bottom...telling me they can't provide a reference letter to me, it must go to a third party and if I don't like that I can contact them at the above address. But they did, very helpfully, provide a sheet of FAQs (I have my own views on what that acronym stands for!!!!).....

We will not sign reference letters cos it's against our policies....oh yeah, tell that to the Immigration people who want a signed letter.
We will respond within three days of request receipt...yeah, to tell us you can't do it....oh, and for your information, it took you longer than three days going on the date of your response!
We need full name, date of birth and National Insurance number of the person being referenced....oh, so staff salary number isn't sufficient. That makes total sense. Why didn't you tell Col that when he asked.....he was told to provide salary number, not the NI.
References will not be passed to individual employees...I don't want a reference letter, I want confirmation of employment, do you read what people write to you?
We will only provide salary details to the third party if the employee authorises it...hello, I did, it was in my letter.
We will not detail bonuses or anything other than salary. You can use your P60s for this.....according to the UK tax laws, I don't actually need to keep copies of my P60s for 13 years. I don't have this information. I asked you to provide it. If you can access my salary, you can sure access the rest of my pay details.

So, now what. I guess it's back to the fax machine to start again....sssssssssssssssss