Wednesday, August 21, 2002

Visiting the doctor

Him: You need to book an appointment if you want to see me.
Me: Sure, as long as you don't then keep me waiting for 90 minutes when I arrive, especially considering sitting in chairs hurts!!!!
Him: So tell me what happened?
Me: Didn't you read the notes that they sent you from the hospital? After all, I did tell it all to bitch from hell and then again to the other doctor who was considerably more friendly!
Him: I need to gather my own facts and make my own diagnosis.
Me: Hey, why not I've been waiting for 90 minutes, why not waste more of my time cos I know you're gonna come up with the same as everyone else!
Him: Lie down and let me stick pins in you...just to see if you can feel it.
Me: I can feel it, you don't need to stick pins in me
Him: And now I shall prod each and every one of your vertebrae to see which ones hurt
Me: Ow.....interesting how you've now made the side of my back, which was perfectly ok when I walked in here, hurt like hell, gee thanks!
Him: You have a pinched nerve.
Me: No, really? Wow, you're the 5th person to tell me that...I think it was a pretty safe bet that was the case.
Him: On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad does it feel?
Me: 10
Him: It can't
Me: Why not?
Him: Cos a 10 would be the equivalent of being crushed to death.
Me: Well, I've never been crushed to death but at least I imagine there is some respite from the pain when the moment of death actually occurs. With this there is no relief so I rank it as 10.
Him: You can't.
Me: Why not? I've never had anything hurt this much for so long.
Him: You can't give it a 10.
Me: Well then I'm not going to rank it.
Him: You need a CAT scan and then you need to go to physical therapy and in the meantime you should take more drugs.
Me: How long will I need to take them for?
Him: Til the pain stops.
Me: How do I know if the pain's gone away if I'm on drugs?

Get the idea????

So, Greybird is taking great delight in telling everyone where she'll be on Sept 5th's where I'll be......San Francisco. But before then it's about time I moved again so I'm my new home


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