Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Things I Don't Do

Actually that should really be things I didn't do before yesterday. I do quite a lot I suppose. Guess I don't really care enough about myself to think about the consequences. Maybe I've just been lucky? No, rephrase that. I've been lucky. Some close calls but never actually hit the big T. Stories for another day. Back to the published subject:

- I don't go out with men younger than me.
- I don't get hung up if they choose not to call me. In fact, 99 times out of 100, it's me that disappears.a
- I don't kiss. Don't know why, been like that for a long time. Full-blown intercourse, not a problem. Kissing...too emotionally involved I suppose. Larry and I don't kiss. Rob, maybe, but he's a story of all his own.
- I don't usually play hookey from work.

Yesterday all that changed. Crap! Don't know how it happened...did I let it happen? Am I that unhappy that I just lost control of myself? Maybe. Should actually backtrack a day. Sunday. Larry had been on and on at me about his friend. He came round last Monday I think and it was OK. Had nothing better to do but (1) he irritated me (2) he irritated me and (3) he has a moustache! So nag, nag, nag. Yeah OK. He can come round. He did. I got irritated. I kicked him out. Nothing happened. Nothing's gonna happen. I just don't like him and I have my standards. Larry can't understand this. But he's so nice. He irritates me. Why? I can't put my finger on it. Some people wind me up the wrong way and then that's it. He has no redeeming features as far as I can see....well, OK, one...he's not married. Big deal!!! On the "anti" side:
- he wore shoes without socks when it was snowing
- he's too short
- he's too thin
- his eyes are weird
- he has a moustache
- he kills plants
- he IMs me with the caps lock on
- he invites himself round

Ugh. Makes me shiver just thinking about it. There's no way he's getting anything from me! Can I kiss you. No, you damn well can't!!!! I think you should leave. Now? Yes, now. Go. Leave me alone. I want to go to bed...alone. He went. And left me all depressed.

Act 2. I met someone online. Bad move. Very bad move. He sent me some photos (all completely clean). He wrote me a lovely email...really cute and funny. We exchanged some emails. Seems pretty normal so I told him to IM me...cos email's too slow. He, Greg, said he would after 6pm, when he got back from work. OK, got someone coming round at 7pm. We missed each other. He IMd me while I was mid-throwing-out. I stomped round for a bit. Then IMd him back....he was out. DAMN!!! Had a few drinks. Went to bed.

Monday morning. Had a very bad night. Couldn't sleep and my back hurt. Was wandering about at 3am. Never a good sign. Ended sleeping upside down in bed so I could balance my legs on the headboard. As a result I slept throw the alarm totally. Oooops. Got up. Pain, lots of pain. Oh, I'll go in a bit later. Sat at the PC to send an email to work and Greg (yep, that's him) had IMd me back. I replied. We got talking. An hour later we were still there. He had the day off. Mmmmm. Maybe I won't go into work today. Don't I'll come over! Hmm.....OK. Really? Really! I don't do this. This is just plain stupid. He could be anyone. Well, wot can I say. He's totally adorable!!! 26, 6' 3", darkish floppy hair, cutest smile. Pretty intelligent. Bartending/waiting at the moment while he works out what to do with his life. Just back from Toronto. Wants to travel the world. Unattached. God knows why! Let him kiss me. A lot. I never do that. Very nice (total understatement!). So, he looks good, he talks good, he kisses good....too good to be true. Bet he's crap in bed. No, he wasn't. Errr, I'd love to say at this point that I don't normally jump into bed with total strangers...but I can't. Oooops. He even snores in this really cute way....he was tired, been up since Sunday morning, no sleep....so I forgave him. Had to kick him out eventually cos I needed to go out. But, if I hadn't had to go I think I would have just kept him here. Got back last night and I was SO hoping he'd still be here. When was the last time I did that? I'm not even sure I can remember. Wanted him to be asleep in his car or curled up on the floor outside my front door. Was hoping that all the way up the stairs....til I turned the last corner and realised I was being stupid.

Today....weird. Want him to call me. Want to see him again. Want to cry. Why? Guess he really got to me!! Told Rob about it when he called me. Thought it was sweet. Larry does as well. I just think I'm being pathetic. Col would tell me that if he knew. Maybe I should call him. Except I can't right now....it'll be midnight and he'd hate me! So, just sit and wait I guess. Or rather, get on with the rest of my life. Except I keep getting distracted.


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