Sunday, January 02, 2005

Happy New Year?

If the first 36 hours are anything to go by, this is going to be the year from hell! So far....

- I've run into someone I've been avoiding for the best part of a year (if not longer). Walked into Walgreens and there she was, trying to exchange some mascara. I had nowhere to hide. Dammit.

- On the subject of Walgreens, spent yesterday afternoon driving between three of them trying to get hold of something...which I eventually did but not until I was irritated beyond belief and my back decided it really didn't like that game.

- I finally got the notice from the insurance company that they will not pay for me to go to the chiropractor any more. Not because I'm well but, paraphrasing, because there's no chance of me getting back to the condition I was in before the accident. To quote: It is my opinion that her prognosis is poor. She cannot achieve pre-injury status as I believe there is a permanent element to her injuries, leaving her worse than she was before the accident....I do not see that any future amount of chiropractic will avoid her experiencing an exacerbation of symptoms. There were a few smatterings of other medical terms that I'd not seen before and now need to look up.

They actually called me Dec 24th to tell me the report was coming. Spoke to my chiro about it and asked if I can just switch to my private health insurance to cover treatment. His view....they probably won't cover me and maybe we need to go to court......

- Big argument with my sister this morning. Apparently my mother, being a thoughtful person, passed onto my sister the fact that I'd asked if she was having a "strop". Nice, huh? Anyway, she (sister) gave me all this crap about how I didn't care about her (she's separated from her husband), never call...blah, blah, blah. It seems to have totally escaped her notice that when I was going through something similar her version of sympathy was to announce that she was getting married, thus neatly distracting the entire family's attention right back onto her and leaving me to work through everything on my own. I remember the phone calls from my mother telling me my sister was driving her mad about wedding arrangements, while I was trying to to work out how I was going to rescue my stuff from a house that I had no desire to go back to. She tried to send me on a huge guilt trip when, the weekend before the house was sold, I was there (on my own with the doors locked and the curtains drawn cos I didn't want any surprise visits from my ex or his family), cleaning out my stuff and I asked my father if he would come round and help me with something. My mother didn't even call me when the divorce came through to see how I was....oh, I thought you didn't want to talk about. Maybe I didn't, but it would have been nice to have been asked.

The reason they're splitting is cos he wants to go and live in Israel and she wants children. OK, maybe that's reason enough but it's not quite the same as leaving because it's a choice of survival. She moved back home with my mother told me she didn't want me moving in....being homeless is not pleasant! So, balance it out and see why I really don't want to talk to her right now.

Christmas always sucks but usually, with enough alcohol, I can get through it. This year all I've had is my mother going on about my sister this and my sister that. Wouldn't have killed her to remember that during the last 10 days I've had my anniversary, my ex's birthday (Christmas Day) and his father's birthday to "live through". It's been 6 years and last year I thought I'd finally got rid of it....locked the memories far enough away that it couldn't hurt me. Guess I was wrong...totally regressed, all I want to do is hibernate. I don't want to deal with her problems....or more precisely, I can't deal with them. I need some strength to look after myself and she just doesn't get it.

Anyway, it's back to work tomorrow. Think that might be a good thing. At least there'll be so much stupid stuff going on it'll distract me from reality for a few hours. Am thinking, if I survive til February and I get a decent bonus, that maybe I'll take some time off and do some travelling.....see if I can borrow the keys to the house in Chile and hide out there...



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