Tuesday, December 31, 2002

The End is Nigh!

Here we are......in the countdown to the end of the year. I have to say I am pleased. It's not been a good year all things considered. OK so i started the year broke and jobless and am ending it up employed and slightly less broke (albeit suffering from this damn cold/flu that's making me feel totally shit!). And I did make it to San Fran after 3 years of trying. So I achieved a few things. But on a personal level stuff's not been working out that well. I "lost" a friend along the way.....another woman. Wot is it with men? I'm still suffering from a bad back. Yes, it's a lot better than it was but it still managed to put me out of action for far too long...since August I think. I stopped smoking...sort of. No cigarettes for ages but I've discovered that I'm rather partial to the odd cigar....is that better? I don't think so. And as a result I put back a load of the weight that I lost....so I'm back on the removal campaign AGAIN!

Men? Well...too many. Dennis, Dave, Greg, Larry, Drew, the other Drew, one who's name I just can't remember. And some others along the way. Got my heart broken. Ha. I suppose that, in some ways, that's a positive. It's been about three years since I felt comfortable enough with anyone to let them get to me. And, of course, the second I think it's OK to do so, wot happens? I get screwed. Bad choice of words. Rob tells me I'm ready to settle down. Am I? Maybe. That's a scary thought. 12 months ago there was no way I'd even consider it. Now it doesn't seem such a bad option.

Moved twice. Of course that goes without saying. It just wouldn't be the same if I stayed put for a whole year would it? Maybe next year? Although all the signs are pointing to more movement. It's probably the holiday season getting to me but just recently I've been thinking that it's time to go. Where? I have no idea! Why? Just because. Because I can? Because I need to? Because.....I guess it's really because I'm not happy. Which is a normal state of affair for me but there's something different this year. I feel like I'm looking for something but I don't know what. So how can I find it? Will I know when it turns up? Maybe. I hope so. If I don't....I shouldn't think like that. Next year will be better!! I just wish I had a crystal ball or a little more certainty about what's in store for me.

But in the meantime.....more drugs, keep warm and Happy 2003!


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