Boy am I hot. Just got back from the Friday night dance....they have A/C but it was so humid outside that it didn't really make much difference. It's not much fun when it's like that.....dancing with lots of sweaty men....at least it wasn't too crowded. Sometimes it gets so you can't move in there without banging into another couple. Not like that tonight though...loads of space, which was nice. And it was a good crowd so quite happy!!!

Went to meet Julie so we could practise some stuff. Now that's nice...on her own time, with no payment, she OFFERS to come out so we can look good...there are some people that can learn a lot from that!!!! Bad news was that her neice has just been rushed into hospital with gall bladder pains. Thinks it's a stone but they're not sure. So she left early to rush up to see her. Actually, lots of people left early...Boys of Summer were playing their last Friday nighter down the road. No idea why people are so keen on them....music's not that good and you can never dance there....

Tried to get Robin to come out but when I phoned she'd only just got out of bed...it was 6pm so I thought it might have been OK. Apparently not. We got through a load of wine and beer yesterday so she was suffering! TOW was there tonight....not seen her for ages and as I pulled up, there she was......damn damn damn damn damn! I really don't see what the fuss is about. She can't dance, she doesn't talk to people....I guess she looks helpless...men seem to like that. Not getting that here!!! Bob was there as well...not seen him for ages. Says he's had enough lessons...brain can't cope anymore! I know how he feels.....every teacher tries to get you to dance with different technique. It makes my head hurt sometimes trying to remember who wants you to do what.

Today was the day. Went into the Fred Astaire studio that's just opened. 3 lessons for $15...can't argue with that really. Going for my first one Monday afternoon. Pat joined up a couple of weeks ago and says the classes are something like $84 each after the intro sessions...EEEEK! She's managed to get a load of other people to sign up for intros...for which she gets some free private classes so she's got the cost down to about $45 once you take those into account. I'll take the first 3 and then I'll think about what I want to do. Julie and Paul teach privately as well....like away from the studio....so I was asking her about that tonight. It's a lot cheaper and I know the technique would be fantastic....the one problem is that she only teaches four dances, once of which I've never done.....but there again, it's not like the places I go to play that much else so it might be a good thing to do. Definitely need a change......

...and talking of which, I'm moving again. Was trying to work out how many times I'd moved....and I think in the last four years it's been about nine times!!! The only good thing is that the amount of stuff I have seems to get less each time cos I get sick of boxing it up. Started clearing out my papers today. Got a nice little pile left....not too daunting. Sometimes I think I should just throw everything out and then it would be me, a bag of clothes and a couple of essentials. After all, who needs posessions? They're only reminders of things that were....as Dostoyevsky put it (at least I think it was him, I'll look it up when I have more energy)...Happy people have no history!

World Cup update.....England play Sweden on the 2nd.........Senegal just beat France in the World Cup.....RESULT!!!!!!!!!! I can go to bed happy......

Robin tells me I should be more patient and I really am trying but it's tough. We're both Librans so we understand each other. If you're not "one of us" you need to know that we are ruled by Venus and our mission in life is to be in love! We're not good on our own...we need companionship. Actually I have another friend who reckons that I should only ever be on my own. Col tells me that I let relationships screw me up so I should find men for "no strings attached sex"...which I have but, you know, it's really not the same....by nature I need men around me...preferably several at one time 'cos I have a VERY short attention span....but that's a story for another day......

So here I am, had the offer to go out for coffee with a group of people after tonight's dancing. Decided that it was too hot and I would rather sit on the porch and drink wine....so I mentioned it very casually in my usual charming manner and he decides that he would rather be with me than go out with the others so he comes over, we drink and talk and he says he's tired he should go home. And then he just slips in the suggestion that maybe I should let him stay. Fine by me....me very happy with that suggestion. Of course he can stay....yes, there's a nice big bed which he can share (PLEASE!) or he can be a gentleman (BORING) and take the sofa bed or the futon (I didn't actually say any of that last bit). Maybe, he says. Cool, I think. Well, I should really go, he says, and...this is the completely unbelievable bit....he did, he went home...on his own...and left me here.....!

I mean, come on. What is going on here? Am I not an attractive, intelligent woman? Of course I am. According to the zodiac are we not destined to be the most compatible couple (yes, we are, I checked earlier!)? I just don't understand!!!!!!! What else do I need to do? Is it that he's got a better offer? I think not!!!!! So, be patient, huh? I'm not a patient person! I'm frustrated. This doesn't happen to me. I never have a problem getting "my man".

I'm very depressed and I have a feeling that Col is right....I'm getting obsessed over someone who probably isn't worth it. Is he playing hard to get on purpose? Is he too shy? Is he just not interested???? Am I just feeling needy 'cos of all the other crap in my life? Probably, I just don't know. But I do know this...my patience won't hold out much longer......

Too hot to sleep. Shouldn't complain, better than the alternative. Have to rewrite my resume today. There's a job that I'm interested in, sort of. It's back in NYC and I'm not sure I really want to move back. Still, if they pay me huge amounts of money I might be persuaded. Anyway, I gather that there are three recruiting firms looking to fill this position so I'm probably not top of the list. Gives me something to do though!

Had my dance lesson last night. It was all wonderful. Wonder how long this will last. Had a lesson with Julie and Paul afterwards. So funny. He never says anything is good...just sort of shrugs his shoulders and goes "it's ok". Don't know how she puts up with him! Found out that he collects silver. I have a strange collection of coins and things that I might take in and he can have them (for cash, of course!!!!!). Don't know why I have them here. Tried to get rid of them a while back but they're all European and noone here wanted them....would only take the US stuff! Guess I should probably do a bit of research and find out what they're worth...hmmm, that's something else to do today......

Memorial Day yesterday....more sunshine and blue sky. I love this place!!!! Joe phoned about 1.30...wasn't expecting him to. He was restless. Wanted to do something. So we did:

First stop: Woodbury Winery . Not too impressed with their stuff though they did have a wonderful IceWine (from Canada though so why would I want to buy that here???).

Next: Merrit Estates Winery. Much nicer place....nothing to do with the fact their wines are so much better (or was it?). Personal recommendations....Baco Noir (dry red with amazing oaky flavor), Mereo (bought a bottle, have to warm this one up....full of spices, ready-made mulled wine really!), Sangria de Maguerrite (just as it says). Their best selling wine is a lambrusco style red which wasn't have bad....bit sweet but pleasant. Not really a wine expert...just know what I like...and I liked what they had!

Buzzing nicely by now. Wine in the afternoon doesn't usually sit too well with me...sends me to sleep....add to that the heat and...mmmmm.....very happy!!!!

Then, up to The Shores...waterfront bar/restaurant. Met Dave and Maria there. He's just left his wife after I don't know how many years of marriage. She's one of the best dancers around. We've been trying to work out if there's anything going on there. They dance together a lot so might not be anything more than that but, you know how it is, minds work overtime sometimes!!! Band (Joy Riders) was OK. She had a good voice but screwed up some really cool songs which distressed me...people that do that to Santana should be thrown in the river, not applauded. Had a few dances then Joe's son turned up with some mates...who insisted on buying us drinks (not a huge problem!) and then paid our bill for us (wow, very nice but would have had more if I'd known that was going to happen!!!!).

Got back and sat on the porch for a couple of hours drinking coffee, talking about life in general and watching the world go by. Suffering a bit this morning but guess it was all self-induced so can't really complain.

Back to reality now.....

The sun is shining, the sky is blue.....wonderful!!!

Spent yesterday with Joe down at the Dock at the Bay. Band playing outside (DD Ellis)...bluesy. Great voice, good songs. Danced a bit. Sat by the lake and watched the water. So relaxing...perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Quite quiet there. Guess it was still a bit cold for people. Another Joe turned up for a while. Weird how virtually everyone I know is called Joe...at the last count I came up with six of them...and they all dance!!!! Beautiful sunset as well...not a cloud in the sky. Joe No 1 was telling me that there's this thing called the Green Flash...never heard of it before. Down in Florida apparently you can see a green flash in the sky just as the sun completely disappears below the horizon. So guess that means I'm going to spend the rest of my life watching sunsets hoping for a glimpse....

And when I'm not doing that I'm going to be continuing my study into the male pschye. On a random survey of a few men, I have come to the conclusion that those who are born and raised here are crap at communication. I have four perfect examples so far and they all have similar characteristics so this is starting to intrigue me. Is it the air? Do they put something in the water? Education? I don't know. But they all seem to be completely misleading and confusing as to what they want from their "partners". Actually that's how I got started on this study....too many conversations with women who don't quite know where they stand with their "man"...is he their man or not? Signs appear to indicate perhaps...but there again perhaps not. Other traits they have in common...three out of the four are divorced with children...the fourth i don't know about. They're fairly passive...maybe that's just the reason they cause so much confusion....but even then, why are they like that. I don't know. Gonna keep working on this one til I get to the bottom of it.......

TTFN

Saturday morning: West Coast swing class. Very quiet. Think most people forgot they'd started up again. Learnt the strangest step...bet noone ever leads it.

Saturday evening: Jackie's monthly dance. Weird music. Not her usual happy stuff and she was having trouble with the sound. Couldn't really get into it but still managed to work off some of my frustrations. Went out with Joe afterwards. He turned down one road and got himself completely lost...funny. He's lived here all his life and I can still find my way round better than him! Rained like crazy last night....yuk. Had enough of that in London.

Spoke to my father this morning. My mother's got PVD - happens when you get old! The fluid at the back of the eye has hardened up so some of it breaks up and floats across the front of the eye causing you to see strange floaty things. She also has a really bad back...some of her discs have worn through. They can operate (insert "plastic" discs) but who wants to suffer the agony of back surgery....you'd be in bed for weeks/months afterwards and there's no guarantee it will be successful. Instead she has acupuncture and goes to the chirpractor a lot. The joys of getting old! Just hope it doesn't run in the family.

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I bumped into Sherri yesterday at Walgreens of all places. She's a bit mad but ok. We nicknamed her Skippy cos she skips around when she dances! Joe keeps telling me she reminds him of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and I can see why....you'd have to see her to understand. She's been out of work like forever. Trying to get a book published but keeps getting rejected. Bit stressed at the moment cos she kicked her son out for doing drugs. Now she's worried about where he is and what he's up to. Anyway, she invited me round for dinner this evening...there's an ulterior motive, but might work in my favor! Sherri's moing to Chicago and her house will be empty so.....potential rent-free accommodation for me!!!!!

Larry called me yesterday to "see how I was". Yeah, right. The only reason he calls is cos he wants a ****. Set me up with a mate of his a while back who was alright but nothing special. Wanted to know if I'd heard from Dan? No and really wasn't that bothered about it. But he's a good guy. Yeah? I'm sure he is but he's not my type. Then got the Spanish Inquisition about why whether I would go over and see him last night. No...I'm busy. Why, who, where??? Sometimes I wish he wouldn't nag so much. Calls me out the blue and expects me to drop everything (literally!) for him. Made tenative arrangements for tonight but, see above, now I'm busy. Shame really, very good in bed.......oh well, he'll just have to wait a bit longer.....

Wot else. Well, the dance lesson was last night. It was ok....sort of. I'd choreographed the routine with Bill who had PROMISED to show my instructor the whole thing before my lesson. Do you think he did. NO!!! Sssss.. Been too busy. Er, 'scuse me but aren't you charging me for this? I had to back-lead the whole thing, which was alright apart from one bit that I just can't lead so he couldn't work out what to do. Annoyed. Anyway, I'd also told Bill that I wanted to practice this during the Thursday night party. D'you think I managed that? Course not....he wanted to dance anything but this. Even Bill said "he just doesn't get it, does he?". Stormed out really angry. So much in fact that I'm going to go in today and tell them that unless he sorts himself out by Tuesday he can forget the routine....and he can forget about teaching me, I'll go somewhere else.....which mean he loses all the money from my lessons. Not sure he'll care but if he doesn't, well I'm better off without him!

Just had a call from my editor (doesn't that sound impressive!). I've been talking to a company about writing financial summaries of the earning calls that companies hold with the analysts. Did one earlier this week and he wanted to go through it with me. He sounded quite impressed....mmmmm :-). Got another one to do next week and then maybe another during June. Business won't pick up until July but good to get through the initial couple now. Tough work....they have a 2.5 hour turnaround on getting the stuff out once the call's been finished. Money's not bad and I need some so really pleased that he was happy. Horoscope says it's gonna be a good day today......started off ok, let's hope it stays that way!

BFN

PS. I have another dance lesson this evening. This will be fun. Not seen him for a week so could be very interesting.

PPS. Hit my second 10 pound milestone on the old diet. Woohoo. This is the second time I did it...last time put it all back on so let's hope I can focus more this time!!!

Much happier today...although I have the attention span of a gnat. Too much surplus energy. Can't focus on anything! Been like this all week. Can't sleep either. Wide awake all the time. Hyper. My horoscope says it's cos the Moon's in Libra. Fabulous!

Went dancing Sunday with Joe. Noone else was willing to come out to play so I nearly didn't go. Just as I'd almost give up he phoned and said he'd come so I went. Very cool....though I think people might be talking about us. Been seen together too much in public recently...heee heee. Did the usual trip for coffee afterwards and ended up trying to give a geography lesson...was trying to explain how the UK isn't just England and that Belfast is in Northern Ireland, not the Republic. Ended up drawing a really bad map on the napkins. Did u need to know that? No, probably not. Oh well, just ignore the last sentence.

Saw AOTC the other day. Ok I guess. Fidgeted through the first 15 minutes so have no idea what that was about. And that bit in the middle where they're on the lake. Someone explain the point of that please. Ruined a perfectly good movie! Ewen is fab...mmmmmm.....

Last night got Joe to take me out again. Went to see a very cool band....retro but fun. Embarassing cos we bumped into his nephew who kept giving us these looks..."who's that woman you're with"???? And then we bumped into someone else we knew and I got more looks. Great! Helped me work off some of this surplus energy so it was worth it. And it was really sweet of him to take me....he was planning to go to a dance across the border but I told him I couldn't come if he did that so he took me out instead. Don't ya just love him!

Wot a week...complete nightmare! Anyway, at long last, I managed to get this thing to work so I guess that means I can now rant and rave in public.....you've been warned!!!

I don't really know why it's been a bad week but everything and everyone managed to annoy me over really silly things. And no, I'm not hormonal so don't try that one on me. And yes, most of the little irritations are man-related, which isn't going to surprise some of you.

But before the ranting, here's the happy stuff......Last Saturday I had a call from a "friend" of mine wanting to take me out. Sounds OK? Well, yes it would have been perfect if it wasnt for the fact that I know he's interested in another woman. :-( But, hey, a night out's an night out. So, of course I went and of course he paid for everything (not that I didn't offer, it's just that he's like that....heee heee). So we had fun. Drank a bit, danced a lot, talked and stuff. And then I found out that the other woman is married. Woohoo...I was so excited!!!!!!! Had to excuse myself and run off to the bathroom to giggle hysterically. All in all, an EXCELLENT evening. And it got even better on Sunday when we out partying...he turned up and was completely sweet and lovely...mmmmmmm :-) And I've not seen TOW (the other woman)...oh yeah, I'll name her...Cathy...don't like her....for ages....very mmmmmmmm. I don't just not like her cos of him....I just don't like her. Never have done. She's one of those little blond things that men seem to like but have absolutely no personality. Oooops, probably insulted all my readers now. Oh well, tough.

Monday, on the other hand, dire! Firstly I woke up with a swollen ankle...which always annoys me. Could hardly walk and the thought of no dancing was very upsetting so I started the day on a low. And it went downhill from there really. My dance instructor decided to bump my class that I'd had booked for weeks for someone else cos she got annoyed that she couldn't have a lesson with him when he wanted one. Like hello. Do I not exist? Or is it that "she who stole my lesson" brings you more presents than I do??? And he didn't do it nicely...left a message on my voicemail telling me the time was changed. Not so much as a "do you mind", "are you free" or "I'm sorry, but...".....just a crappy little "I've changed your lesson" message. SSSSSSSS.....Well, he didn't get away with that. I screamed at him. I can't remember the last time I've yelled at someone so that tells you how angry I was. And then I hung up on him. Of course, the little **** didn't pay any attention and just changed it anyway. VERY VERY ANNOYED.

Wot else? Well, I've been getting these phone calls from another friend who I sort of like. She's OK as long as she gets her own way and last time I saw her we had a little argument. All very stupid but she kept insisting I'd danced too much with someone and it wasn't fair, etc., etc. Now, I wouldn't mind but she has a live-in dance partner (her husband) who is completely adequate. So why does she have to have everyone else's partners as well???????? So, I saw her Monday and after the argument over my lesson, I wasn't in the mood to talk to her. Of course, she took it personally and kept phoning me to see what she'd done and if I was OK. Luckily I have caller ID....so I just let her ring and ring and ring and....Wednesday, I think I gave in and called her back. Actually I quite enjoyed that. She was just wound up enough to cheer me up. Cruel? Perhaps, but we have to get our fun where we can. Right?

Thursday....yesterday. The day of the lesson! This was always going to be "interesting" but little did I realise how much so......I turned up at the appointed hour and noted that my lesson was not only moved in time but also in instructor. Hmmmmm......I see. Now, I do need to explain that I am meant to be practising a routine with my instructor so it sort of makes sense that I take lessons with him. Doesn't it? Maybe it's me but if I'm going to dance publicly with someone, I think I need to practice with that person????? Ok, keep breathing, I'm sure it will all be ok. It wasn't. It went from "well, he can choreograph the routine today" to "I dont want to do that dance" to "no, I don't like that song, or that one or....". AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

So right now, I have 4 weeks to go and we're not yet agreed on the dance or the song and he won't dance with me and trying to talk to him is like banging my head against a brick wall so what the **** am I meant to do???? Had a long chat with someone last night who basically told me I should put my foot down and just tell him what we're doing. I would over something else. But dancing's meant to be a partnership and unless we both agree on what we're going, it's not going to work. So, I don't know what's going to happen. Got a few days to mull it over.

In the meantime, I'm going to...wot am I going to do? I don't know...I'm going to find something to do so that my next entry is (1) shorter (sighs of relief all round, I'm sure) and (2) full of happy happy stuff (or at least some good goss).

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BFN.