Sunday, August 31, 2003

Elvis is alive and well

And I've finally seen him! After two years of people telling me I should go see Terry B, I made it. And, considering I'm not a huge Elvis fan or a huge fan of impersonators, he wasn't half bad!

Got a clean car as well. When I picked it up from the body shop there was some gum, or something, on the front wheelarch. Tried to get it off but it wasn't having any of it. Was told to leave it and use some "special" stuff to get it off so I didn't ruin the paint. Had to take the car back yesterday to get its state inspection (I always leave it til the last possible day hoping it'll just happen on its own...but it didn't!). So, while I was there, I did my helpless female act...which is coming quite naturally at the moment....and asked if they'd do it for me. And they did. Some poor unsuspecting guy got out the liquid and squirted it on, rubbed the stuff off. Then found that there was a ridge in the paint all along where it had been so it buffed it down, polished it up and washed the car. THEN he found a couple of specs of black paint(?) so he did those as well. I couldn't quite persuade him to POLISH the whole car but what d'u expect for nothing! LOL Very nice :-) Then I took the car round Buffalo to see if I could get my x-rays done....doh, not on a Saturday. Oh well, have to wait til Tuesday now.......

Might go watch the Demolition Derby in a little while...but first I need a lie-down...too much walking this morning........ although, and I thought I might, I did meet someone I used to work with.....heee heee....funnnnnyyyyyy!!!

Friday, August 29, 2003

Moan, moan, moan!!!!!

Just got back from the chiropractor... :-( he's not happy with me...well, i'm not happy with me....been in loadsa pain this week. now he's talking about x-rays and MRI scans and going to see a neuro-surgeon (just for a 2nd opinion...not to cut me up!!! LOL). and he's going to get me one of those portable electronic massage machines so i can use it at home (which would be kinda cool). bit upset about all this...if he thinks i need all that "treatment", then guess i'm not doing very well?? and i'm so tired of aching.....makes it so tough to DO anything!!!!!!! well, that's the moan of the day out the way.....

Had to take pain pills this afternoon. Weeeeeee!!!!! WOW. It's been a while since I've had them and they totally wiped me out. Lay on the floor dozing all afternoon, my eyes refused to stay open. This is what happens when I go off them and then start them again...blow my mind......was trying to talk to someone and all I could think was, I need to sleep.......zzzzzzz......

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Copycat! LOL


Tir - Victory, leadership, success over other competitors, increase in finances, virility and passion (especially for men).


Gebo - Gifts, partnerships on all realms, sex magick, brilliance, integration of energies.


Ing - Fertility, successful conclusion to issue or situation, ending one cycle and beginning another.

Cast the runes here:
Rune Caster

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

A TAN Dragon Lies Beneath!

My inner dragon color is TAN. Click here to try the Quiz!

My inner dragon is the true draconic magic-user. Deep down I am very wise, somewhat shy, and I have a rather short fuse. But don't worry, tans prefer to spend their time counting their enormous treasure, so pass quietly and you'll stay out of danger. Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.

Oh, I should acknowledge Greybird for giving me something to pass away two minutes of my day...thaaaaaanks :-)

Short fuse? Oh yeah...and someone lit it last night.......BANG! All I shall say is that it proves I was just lived down to my expectations........should have just moved on quietly, don't say I didn't warn ya!

More free toothpaste. Wooohooo. Had my check-up at UB earlier. Gotta go back in about 6 weeks for the final one....finished the tube they gave me (well nearly) so I walked out of there with two more.....fabulous! Who knew that cleaning teeth could be so much fun. LOL

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Today's Fascinating Insight...

...I don't like red nail polish on my toenails. I usually....99 times out of 100...wear purple. Today I decided to go for red. And I don't like it....looks too bright and pale and silly...but I can't be bothered to redo them now....maybe I'll just paint over them tomorrow?

That's all...don't feel like sharing anything else right now.

Monday, August 25, 2003

I'm in Trouble

LOL thought I might be. Well I told him I wasn't really interested so it's not like I lied about things. Anyway, don't care. I'm in a cruel and heartless mood at the moment. A happy, cruel and heartless mood though. :-)

Other than that, typical Monday....went to the chiropractor and the post office and to buy some bread.....dealt with a stroppy letter from the managing agents for my place...they're complaining I've not paid the ground rent yet so I complained that maybe if they put the correct postage on their invoice it would arrive within a few days rather than taking 6 weeks to get here...somehow I don't think they'll care about that "minor oversight" of theirs...oh and while they're at it, maybe they could use the correct address!

Had the usual phone call with the parents yesterday. My grandmother was there...moaning on about how she hasn't seen me for ages....ughhhhhhhhhhhh....hate that, she doesn't make me want to see her when she's in that mood!!!

Sunday, August 24, 2003


All very pretty...white balloons and streamers draped round the walls and balloons floating gracefully across the many ways more graceful than some of the dancers.....

The "bitches" (someone else's nickname for them) weren't there so it was a very enjoyable evening. Although I had no sooner walked in and sat down to change my shoes when PT launches into an interrogation on Sharon....have you spoken to her at all? what's the matter with her? when did her dog die? blah blah blah...on and on and on....I can only think she must have been saving this up since she called her on Thursday. Hey, it's none of your f***ing business!!!!! Sharon doesn't want to talk to her and told her that politely. So don't come to me trying to get gossip. I'm not playing that game!!!! Certainly wasn't going to repeat my conversation with her (Sharon) of a couple of hours earlier.

About an hour later she comes up to me...."How's the job hunt going?", "It's going" smiled sweetly and wandered off to get a drink...she followed me!!!! Can you believe it? "What does that mean?". It means it's none of your f***Ing business!!!! If she were genuinely interested, I'd tell her but I have learned that PT is only after gossip that she can spread around and I'm really tired of it. I think that's why I'm not in her little clique...I don't play by her rules and she doesn't like it!!!

But other than that little irritation it was a really good evening. Chris danced a lot with me...think I got a Waltz and a Foxtrot and a Cha Cha and a Mambo AND Hustle so that's more than than usual (he has to mingle, which I totally understand but sometime it's nice to be spoilt)....there weren't that many people there those that were there seemed mainly to talking....their loss! Did a great Waltz with Yelena....she always dances silver stuff with me so we whizzed round the floor about three times as much as everyone else...which always gets attention (I'm such a showoff LOL). Had a moment of panic when a balloon got in the way but managed to recover! And cutie danced a lot with me as a few other people.

At the end Sami...Canadian lady doctor who is one of the sweetest people there....went running round the room trying to jump on balloons...of course they all bounced out of her way....very funny to watch!!! Sat down to change my shoes and wished I hadn't.....muscles went "eeeeeeek". Who cares...I had fun....but need to get a job so I can dance more.....makes me soooo happy........Yelena told me I looked more perky than I had for a while...definitely!!!!!!

So that was Friday.....came back and chatted to someone online for a couple of hours.....and then couldn't sleep, too wired.

Went to the Movies in the Meadow last night. Can't believe how cold it got!!!!!! Probably only about 60...which isn't really cold but after the last couple of weeks I was totally frozen...and that was with socks and boots and trousers and two tops on!!!! Had to put the heating on in the car on the way home LOL. They played ET...which is such a STUPID movie.....but I like just laying out and watching the stars.....very cool :-) Quite funny how everytime I tell people they show free movies in the park they think I'm's like noone round here seems to know about them although they've been doing this for 3 years (first year I went to most of them, last year a few, this year not many cos it keeps raining on Saturdays!) So, this guy asked me what I was doing (yesterday morning) and I said I'm thinking about going to see the movie. After I'd been through the long explanation about it all he sort of asked if he could come. Not sure. Why? Well I just wanna go and watch and I really don't want a date or anything. Well we could just go as friends. Maybe, I'll think about it. Well let me know...I'll pick you up so you don't have to drive or anything. OK, I'll let you know. Going to see movies on my own really doesn't bother me...after all, I'm just gonna sit there in silence so why do I have to have someone else there (unless of course it's the drive-in when you have to have company cos you look silly making out on your own!!!!)

Came back from shopping (new wallet, my old one didn't have much money in it but what was there keeps falling out cos the lining's all ripped so finally gave it and bought a new one...Liz Claiborne, not as nice as my Fiorelli one but who cares) and sunning myself and got talking to someone else. He has his son this weekend so we were talking about what they were going to do and I said go see the movie...ET's good for kids...he got really excited about that idea (he's not been either). So we sort of arranged to meet...although I wasn't really gonna intrude on his "father" time....but said I'd keep an eye out for him. Anyway, as soon as we agreed to do that I remembered the other guy....and started panicing that he might show up there, which would sort of screw things up....or at least make things a little awkward! Whether he did or not, I don't know. Got there and they'd already started showing was totally dark so no chance of any one spotting me....heee heeeeee. Guess I'm probably in trouble now....oh well, that's the way it goes......

Friday, August 22, 2003


It's that time of year! Lease on my place in London expires in a week or so. The letting agents contacted me a little while ago to see if I wanted to relet the place for another year. DEFINITELY! I asked if the tenant would be staying's a bit too early to ask him, we'll let you know. The letter arrived from them yesterday. Please be good news!!!! Opened it carefully, not wanting to see what it said...but...yayyyyy!!!! The guy's going to renew for another year. Same rent as last year...which is fine with me (especially since I just refinanced the place). Would have cost me a lot more if the place had been empty for a month while they found someone else....hardly worth the effort of doing that just to get an extra $30/40 per it out.....if I lose $1240 one month, how many months would the next tenant have to stay for me to catch up.....just didn't make sense. So I'm really pleased about that. The agents go in and check the place twice a year for me and each time they're written to tell me it's all ok and he's looking after let him stay.

Wish the landlord was as nice here. Just renewed my lease here and the rent's gone up...OK only $10 a month, hardly a big deal really...!!! And really they are pretty good.....although they've still not been to fix my toilet seat.......hmmmm...maybe I'll remind them when I pay the rent next time.....???? Oh....and note's the first time since 1998 (I had to dig back into my memory for this), that I've been at the same address for a year...though perhaps shouldn't speak too soon...still got a few days to go....but it's looking promising!!!

Went into Fred's last night to talk to Chris and Yelena about life, the universe and everything (which reminds me...there's a new Douglas Adams book that I HAVE to buy!!!). Chris is ALWAYS so positive about stuff....cheered me up. :-) They have their "white party" tonight....gotta go rummage around for some white stuff to wear........hmmmmm.....pretty sure I've got a lacy top and I know I've got some white jeans (which are too big but might survive an evening)....that'll have to I gotta call Sharon....see how she's doing......

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

It's All Going Wrong :-(

Was lying in bed this that half-asleep state before fully waking up...could hear this really weird noise so I'm lying there trying to work out what it is...then there was a crack...and my poor bed (which has needed replacing for a while thanks to...well...never mind...u can work that part out for yourself!) decides that one of the wooden side pieces that supports the base for the mattress doesn't want to stay up any more....and collapses!!!! So now I've a wonky mattress....I SO need a new bed (donations gratefully received LOL) !!!!!!

AND I got bitten last night...think there's a flying nasty in here somewhere....right at the top of my thigh as well!!!! EEEEEEK. Though I guess it's better than the last set of bites I got...two on my least they have good taste! LOL

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Two dead bodies, a pile of books and a mansion in the country

Last night's dream. Confused? You bet!

Sunday, August 17, 2003


Yesterday morning Taz turns up bearing and muffins from Timmy H. Yayyyy. And a back rub thrown in for good measure....mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And he looked over the car and seemed very impressed with the job they've done...especially as, he says, that particular paint is really hard to match!!! What a nice start to the weekend. :-) This morning I've woken up and it's cool......wooohoooo...turned off the A/C, opened all the windows and am enjoying the breeze blowing through the apartment......

Not updated this for a couple of days. Lemme think about what's been going on...

Friday: went for the interview up in Lockport. Drive up there was nice although I'm not sure if I want to do that every day, especially in the winter. About 30 mins door to door. The company has an office on the side of the canal. Really lovely little building that they've just moved into. Unfortunately they were having the carpets replaced that day so we sat outside and talked. Would have been OK apart from it was SO DAMN HOT! Could feel my arms burning up in the sunshine....I had dressed to be INDOORS!!!!!!! How did it go? Very hard to tell....playing the inscrutable game. Told them how much money I wanted and I guess that will probably mean I never hear from them again. Oh well, not so bothered about that job...focusing on the other one!!!

Taz has worms! LOL. The worm virus is on his PC. Been nagging him to get it sorted out and Friday lunchtime talked him through actually removing the damn thing. Now he's gotta finish it off (load that MS patch) and he keeps telling me his anti-virus software (which he's only just installed) is telling him he's still got a virus. Tried explaining to him that it could be the same thing or it could be a different one but it's really hard to tell as we've been doing this over the phone. Silly boy. He needs to stop cruising eBay and SORT IT OUT!!!!! We were going to mend it on Thursday but the power went out...I assumed that he'd lost power and realised that you can't do PC stuff without it...then it turns out that his power was on all the time so while I was stuck in heat and humidity he went out drinking not realising there were problems....told him that was SO least I could have sat at his place in A/C...meany!!!!!

Snake called the middle of Eastenders, so I pretty much missed it (it's on for 2.5 hours so feel sorry for his phone bill!!!). His car broke down (there seems to be a spate of this at the moment - Taz's van was out of action the other day!) so he went to Hamilton for a few days. We had a good moan about politicians and power outages and stuff. He's up in Toronto and didn't get power back til 1.30am Friday morning. Says Friday it was on and off all the time but seemed OK yesterday. He's like a Canadian version of Rob. Have I said that before? Probably....well tough cos I'm saying it again. It was funny cos he said he'd call about 1.30 and my mother called at that exact moment (she'd decided to surprise me by calling on a Saturday rather than today.. ) Thought it was him and very nearly said something embarassing....recovered just in time! LOL

Ooooh...there's a guy moving in downstairs. I only know cos I went to get my mail and there was a package for John someone (Apt 2). That's exciting. Robin and I were guessing about what he might be like. I said he's probably 60...or moving in with a woman. She wants it to be someone young and attractive (well I do too but I doubt it!). Suppose I could go the office and ask but it's more fun to think about weird and wonderful stories...although I'm bound to be disappointed when he finally does turn up. Guess it's gotta be soon if his mail's here already....this week maybe??????

Yesterday was the first day in a while that I actually managed to get some sun. Last couple of weeks have just been TOO hot for me. Looking at my arms/legs today, I'm not sure that I changed color at all but it was nice to be out for a bit. This summer's been pretty crappy really...what with excessive heat (for me anyway), humidity (which does my head in totally), thunderstorms (that seemed to happen whenever I'd planned to do something outdoors) and the car accident, I've spent too much time indoors trying to keep cool, or dry or painfree. Just SO glad they installed that A/C unit....even it's cool for the rest of the summer it was money well spent! Hoping that maybe the worst is over now and some normality can be restored for the next couple of months....although as I type that, the sky has suddenly gone grey....please DON'T RAIN TODAY!!!!!!!

Anyway I've gotta do some cleaning up now. Think yoga, then cleaning then bathing.....if I put my mind to it I can have an afternoon of.....hmmm...well maybe movies if the rain comes.....not been for ages...although not much on that I want to see...ah well, can always go back to Starbucks and read....

Thursday, August 14, 2003


There was the loudest crack from my neck yesterday afternoon. Guess that's a good thing? Even the chiro was a bit surprised...although he took more as a compliment to his work!!!!

Spent this morning exchanging emails with a friend of mine in London. Not spoken with her for ages so been catching up on all the news....not a lot it seems....other than it's very hot there!

And just what I needed....loss of power for 5.5 hours while I'm trying to prepare for an interview. Fantastic timing...thanks for that!!!! And screw Pataki...don't care what he says...that A/C unit is going ON....I'm wilting here...and if I take in any more water, I'll probably flood myself. So much for being fresh as a daisy..........although the candles did make the place smell nice...thanks Pier 1!!!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2003


Perked up a bit.

Went to yoga last night....still not our usual instructor...she has a guest apparently. Well, thanks, neglecting us for that! Huh???? The guy that took it was OK. Actually much better than last week....when he made us all put our mats in a circle and then we had to stand for virtually the whole class. Usually I wouldn't mind the standing part but my back was killing's bad enough having to stand for the standing poses, but to stand in relaxation when I can feel the muscles crying.....not fair!!! So...anyway.....cute blond guy with the extra vertebra was there again. Funny, we've been in the same class two sessions in a row and it's really only this time that we've started to talk to each other...more than just "hi" anyway. Walked in together, asked about my back and how I was doing (nice) and then told me about his go-karting accident....which was why he wasn't there last week. He's taking the same class as me next time (wooohooo)...seemed pleased I was gonna to be there as well. Then he waited for me after class and we walked out together.....isn't that sweet? Feel about 10 but it was nice.

Had my first interview of the week this morning. He likes me...he likes me....LOL Was telling me about his time in England....he spent a while up in Yorkshire. Sounds like a good job....told him I was excited about it (which I was and which is more than I can say for some of the others I've been too!!!) Gave me some ideas of stuff to focus on for the second interview (which he's pretty much promised but we shall wait and see if he lives up to that...although he did introduce me to the President so that's gotta be a good sign). Mmmmmmmmmmmmm :-) Fingers crossed!!!!!! Better go write some nice "thank you" notes and then off to the chiropractor in a while......

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Christ my dreams!

I have to write this down before I forget it. Dreamt I was back at ChCh. Was in Oxford with someone (not sure who) and I wanted to show him my old college. So we turn up there and I go to the Porter's Lodge (visitors have to go through the Gate in the Meadow and pay). Tell him I'm an old Houseman and I want to go visiting (ChCh's known as The House...but u have to say it in a really snooty accent...think Hice!!!). The Porter's standing in the middle of the room by a high desk that is totally covered with old registers and other books. We're looking through some of these as he tries to find the register that will prove I'm who I say I am. Give him my name and he's looking me up in the books but can't find me. Oh, suddenly dawns on me, that's my married name, sorry, you'll find me under XXXXXXXX (and I give him my maiden name). There you are. My name is next to another girl's with little spaces lined out below for signing in. She's pretty much filled in all the spaces with her signature...there's just one left for me to use. I didn't know they keep books like this? I sign and he lets us in.

It must be winter cos there's snow all across the front quad. We traipse through the snow towards the dining room (as featured in the Harry Potter films...just for info!)....and into the Hall before the Dining Hall...except it's not. There's a big table in front of square, wooden doors that open into a tunnel. This must be the way in now I think. We open the doors but there are bags and clothes blocking the tunnel. Wonder who these belong to? I start pulling them out and a girl appears and tells me they're hers. Keep pulling the stuff out. There's a couple of bags and some clothes on hangers...well falling off the hangers. I pick up a pile of 4 items - sleeveless tops, I think - and two of the hangers slip out. I'm getting annoyed now as other people are just watching us but not offering to help. Put them all on the big table in the middle of the room and then we climb into and along the tunnel. There's a room at the end and I can see daylight. Looking ahead, from the tunnel, it looks like a room full of toys but, as we get nearer, I see that it's actually plants lining a wall parallel to the end of the tunnel. Light seems to be coming in through windows along the top of the wall. People are wandering around looking at the plants. We climb out and decide to follow the room round to the right.

That takes us into a large room facing some stairs that lead up and to the left. There are two large doors in the right hand corner of the room that should open in the dining room but they're sealed. On the lower flower there are ropes that mark up where the visitors need to queue to gain entry to something. A couple of porters stand at the end of the rope, to the left of the room, collecting money from people. And all the way up the stairs, neatly arranged are the largest glass creatures ever seen.....including some yellow glass bears (I think they were bears!). Oh and that means I must have been dreaming in colour!!! I remember reading about this...a special Glass Animal exhibition is being held here...guess this is it. We have to go under the Cookery (err.....isn't that the kitchen?) to get into the Dining Hall now. Hmmm, I think I know how to get there, follow me....we see a door to the left that leads outside and we go through it......back into the snow....

The person I'm dragging round with me seems a bit reluctant. We don't have to do this. Oh but we do...the Hall is wonderful...all old beams, high ceilings and long trestle tables. I'm sure you'll love it. Yeah, that sounds kind of interesting. Come on then, I'm sure I know how to get there!

I don't know if I ever make it to the Dining Hall cos, as usual, the damn alarm went off. Peculiar cos the layout of the place, in my dreams, is nothing like it is in real life. I have no idea what any of this means...or if I want to know...!!!!! But it was very tough getting out of bed this morning....feel like I've had no sleep at all.....and checking out the college website, I see there's a Gaudy this year....guess I won't make it to that one.....already got an invite back to London (that I'm not sure about) or a chance to go to the Bahamas (ha ha ha).....just need to get a job!!!!!!!

Monday, August 11, 2003

Topsy Turvy

In Buffalo the rain is pouring down, the sky is black and storm/flood warnings abound. And on the other side of the pond, it hits 100 degrees for the FIRST TIME EVER. My poor parents are wilting. Noone has A/C over there...after all...why would u need it? Temperatures never get that high. Unfortunately a lot of the offices don't have A/C either.....YUK, imagine stuck inside in that heat???? And their car, being about 7 years old, doesn't have it either....must be like driving an oven (not that I know what that feels like!). So where would I rather be....errr....I think I'll take the rain at the moment. London Underground have issued heat warnings for people as they get on the Tube. They're telling people to take bottled water on with them and to let staff know if they don't feel too well before they got on. That would be one of my worst nightmares...stuck on a Tube train, underground, in the heat......bad enough in a usual summer....oh, and don't forget the builder community....they only bathe once a imagine the smell by Friday.....!!! LOL

Finished Harry Potter. The second half was much better than the first...just couldn't get into it. Writing wasn't too good, didn't flow too well, found myself having to reread bits of it to follow her sentences. Was talking to my chiropractor about it this morning....side note: lay on the floor on my stomach to read and then found I couldn't move...told me that was REALLY BAD for nerrrrr to those people that keep telling me I should be stretching backwards!!!! Anyway he agreed on the book....tried to read it to his daughters but even they were complaining! And I thought it was just me!!!!!!! As for the was OK but that ending was crap.....totally unimaginative and very disappointing. Not sure I'm gonna waste my money on the next one...if she bothers with a next one.....

And tomorrow morning's interview...they just called to change it. Damn. That gives me an extra day to prepare (good) and worry (bad).

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Look Who's Back

First thing this I logged on...up pops my IM.....Larry! WOW. Remember him? The guy that set me up with a mate of his that totally freaked me out!!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... bathroom smells lovely...all clean....til the next bathtime, anyway....and I'm 300 pages into Harry Potter. Been putting off reading it but, now that it's raining, thought I'd give it a go (oh and Robin nearly got hit by lightening yesterday....scary!!!!!). It's annoying me (most things do these days). Something about the writing, doesn't seem as good as the last one. Well...only 500+ more to'll be finished by Tuesday.....and it distracts me from reading up about Ethernet, or whatever it is I'm meant to be learning for my interview.....LOL Gotta get it finished (the book) really quickly cos there's ever such a cute guy in B&N.....I need to buy more books ;-)

Saturday, August 09, 2003


If u dont know what it means...look it up....somewhere!

Typical...damn thing won't publish now....just clicks a lot....oh here...we go...well, that was worth the effort....sssss!!!!

Suppose I could make this slightly more interesting. Hmmmmm, lemme see....oh, I know....busy week coming up...two interviews (one a second!!!) and Snake says he's coming down for chicken wings. Actually he woke me up the other night (must have fallen asleep on the sofa) for a really strange conversation: I need chicken wings. Well come down and we'll get some. I'm off next week. OK, I'm off all the time (!). Gotta go for a walk now. The end. Crawled into bed confused and bewildered. That was at midnight....why is he walking round Toronto at midnight? Be afraid, be VERY afraid. Decided he must have been drunk....later found out that he goes for walks instead of sex....which, like Rob, he claims to have given up (though being men, it seems that means nowt...check the dictionary guys, I think you'll find abstinence means you DON"T get any!!!!). Oh, I see. All is now totally mud! Personally I think he walks round Toronto looking for sex rather than distracting himself from it! LOL

Spoke to Sharon. Still down about her dog...and now ripping up her carpet to take her mind off things. Errrr....Ok.....Did offer to help but told her I'm NOT moving any furniture....she can do that herself!!! Chiropractor (the other one ;-)) called to check up on me. Sweetie.

Now debating whether I can drag myself away from the AC (did u see the weather forecast this morning? Said 93% humidity....TOO MUCH)....mmmmmmmmm...maybe another few moments.......

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

My Baby's Back!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I collected my little red car earlier. All beautifully repaired and washed plus they cleaned the interior for me. Superb job...looks as good as new. Mmmm mmmmmm. It's so nice to be back in something with some power and electric windows...not forgetting the sun roof! Almost forgot where the clutch was though, and those pedals, WOW they're small in comparision to the Sunfire. Total bill came to more than the estimate cos they found some issues with the suspension so that'll please the insurance company....not my problem though!

And when I'm not nipping round town in that, I now have the luxury of AC at home! The woman downstairs moved out at the weekend and left her unit there. So I called the office the other day to find out if they were gonna sell it. No, but we can rent it to you for the rest of the summer for $30. Cool....literally. The "boys" came round earlier and installed it for me...and it feels goooooodddd.....


Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Who Stole my Buzz?????

Driving to yoga, I suddenly identified what was wrong with me. I've lost my buzz. It's gone....the high I get when good things happen. You know what I mean....the excitement, the adrenaline rush, the happy hormones......wanting to sing and dance or jump around the room for joy (which I did literally do from time to time!)

Well to be more accurate, it's not totally gone, it's just a helluva lot shorter than it was. Used to the good ol' days...that I could float around on Cloud 9 for a few days after good news/things happened...maybe even as long as a week. Now I'm lucky if it lasts til the end of the day, let alone a week. For instance....I go to a dance. Normally I'd still be on a high the next day, reliving all the fabulous things I did. Now I'm lucky if I still feel that way by the time I get home. I get a call about an interview. Yayyyy. 10 minutes later I'm sitting here thinking why the hell do I want an interview anyway and getting stressed and upset about it. I get a nice email....a guy (he who is mentioned below) says he'll come and meet me for lunch. Yipppeee. Next morning, probably about two hours in real, non-sleep time, I'm totally freaking out and miserable as shit cos I think I don't want to see him (except I do want to see was all I could think about for 3 days and now, nothing...less than nothing).

I could cope if it was just a question of buzzing out and then returning to normal. But it's worse. Once that initial rush has gone...too damn quickly...there's just depression and upset and tears....far too many of them recently. My stomach was in knots this morning. I was panicked about a GOOD THING.....where's the logic in that?????

Think of an extreme seesaw that's out of can go up a little but then rush way down, farther than you want to go....and then you need even more "up" than before just to get up to equilibrium....never mind higher.

Why? What happened? Where did it go?

And more importantly, how the hell can I get it back?

Monday, August 04, 2003

Ever say something and then wish you hadn't?

Me...all the time!

I was having an exchange of emails with the guy I saw on Friday and he told me some stuff that I wasn't really expecting. Nothing bad...just totally opened up to me about some really personal things...thought it was incredibly flattering that he felt he could trust me after such a short time. So, being me, I shared some things about me and my life. I probably wouldn't have done it but each time we've spoken and when I met him there just seemed to be something comfortable about him. I say that as a compliment! He appears more mature than a lot of the people (guys) I've met which just made me want to open up to him. So I did! I told him about an incident in my life that I don't think I've ever told anyone....and no, I'm not going to repeat it here! Didn't know if I should but what with all those good vibes I just thought "go for it". Hesitated before I sent the email and then decided to hit that button and move away from the keyboard. After all, what's the worst that could happen? Never hear from him again!! Booohoooo. Felt OK about it for a while and then the fears set in. Did I say too much? Is that really something I should tell someone I've only just met? What would I do if someone sent me an email like that? Hmmm. Was it a mistake? At the time it felt right...and certainly there was great relief that, at last, I'd told another person one of my deepest secrets. But then I went into the "shit, he's going to think I'm a total nut" mode. Woke up this morning resigned to the fact that I'd probably never hear from him. And you know what, there was the sweetest email waiting for me. I wanted to cry. He was so lovely about it all, took it totally in his stride. Of course time will tell as to whether he really meant what he said but right now, it feels good!!!

Saturday, August 02, 2003


Considering the crappy week I've had, I am pleased to report it ended on a high note. A very nice evening during which I think I behaved myself (by my standards, that is!) and I found out that, apparently, I have a very cute belly-button!

Friday, August 01, 2003

Give us some decent programming!!!!

Reading Greybird's TV review reminded me that I was gonna put something in here about that very subject. I caught the "Queer Eye" program the other day - totally by accident as I was lying on the floor channel-hopping. It was painful. I guess it's good that they're more open about showing gays on TV nowadays but I couldn't help feeling this was just another stereotypical portrayal...the gay guys have the good taste in interior design, cooking, fashion while the straight guy is totally helpless....does he really need five other people to tell him his hair needs cutting or his place is a pigsty????? Whole thing made me cringe...or was that that back pain? And the girlfriend that turned up in the end. Wow. Wanted to hit her. Well, I've seen it now. Don't think I'll be tuning in again.

The whole TV thing is annoying me. Are they incapable of making good programs? Look at what's on....we've had Joe Millionaire, which struck me only as proof that American woman need their head examining (not all of them I'll admit, just a good proportion). And then, ABC runs a program which appears to have exactly the same plot. Errr.......what's all that about??? We've had that "Married by America". Hello. Are you really stupid enough to think that you'll find eternal happiness with someone who you, and your nearest and dearest, have never seen before? Even arranged marriages have something more solid behind them! Would you stand on a street corner and ask the first guy that wanders past to marry you? I think not!!!! Now we have "Paradise Hotel", which I've sort of been watching, only cos I can't believe that noone has got rid of the bitch Toni yet. She'd be my first target if I was on there....of course, I won't be....not just cos I've not applied but because they only allow 20-something skinny brainless women at the hotel. The premise is you get to stay at the hotel if you hook up with someone. There's no skill involved, no clever challenges....all you have to do is flash your boobs at someone and smile sweetly and convince your "victim" to share a room with you. I'm sure there's a word for that!!!! And then last night, which I didn't watch, they had a program on the things that people have had removed from their bodies. Come you think the American public is so stupid that they can't cope with a decent drama or murder/mystery? No, don't respond. I know the answer.

All I can say is...thank god for BBC America...the only reason I have digital fact any cable at all. If it wasn't for Manchild, Coupling (so good that the US is gonna run its own version...with American actors basically using the same script as the UK version), Red Cap, Cracker and Jonathan Creek there would be no point me having a TV...oh, and I should add Eastenders (my bit of crap for the week!). Maybe it's me (bound to be) but I like to have my mind slightly challenged by what I watch. I like trying to work out whodunnit rather more than sitting here trying to work out which of the contestants needs a good slapping....or how I can take out the whole hotel.

But before I totally destroy American TV, I will applaud Frasier. One of the joys of not working is that I get two chances a day to see it....which can be confusing as they run old and new series on the same day! I saw "Flour Child" the other day, one of the few episodes that I don't think I'd seen before. I was literally rolling on the floor in hysterics. Niles was carrying a bag of flour round trying to find out what it would be like to be a parent. The poor bag got skewered as he was overly enthusiastic with his conducting, ended up in the pool when his Tai Chi was a little too vigorous and then got burnt as he left it by the fire to dry out "well a real child would have cried before he burst into flames". The humour in that program is clever and I love it. That's what we need more of.....not pretty people without a thought in their head other than have they can stab someone in the back so that they can win money/wifes/husbands.......

I'll continue this rant a birthday present to make!!!!